Army of One Page #3

- Okay.

- I can't do it tonight.

- But tomorrow night?

- Great.

We're gonna have ice cream,

but you have to find me.

Listen, you still got

that awesome tattoo?

Yes!

I'll find you.

They don't call me

the psychic wizard for nothing.

In the past five years,

it appears that Osama bin Laden

and billions

of American dollars

have all but disappeared

into the mountains

of western Pakistan.

I'm serious, Pickles, we

got to get on this immediately!

No waiting, no hesitating!

Got to get on this

right f***ing now!

What the f*** is going on, man?

Did you see that sh*t?

No, I didn't see... Gary, look,

listen to me, -What?

You got to stop with

the noise, okay?

We can't deal with it anymore,

we can't sleep back there.

You've been here

for three months.

You got to get a job,

you got to get out of here, man.

W-What... so? I'm sorry, okay?

I'll quiet down. What is it?

I love you, but you got to

get out of here, man.

- Oh!

- You got to go.

You got to find a different

couch to sleep on, okay?

- Come on.

- I'm sorry, I'll, uh...

Well, look, I'll...

let me just, uh...

if I can just finish tonight...

- Yeah, just...

- and I'll clean up.

Yeah, just stay here tonight,

it's fine.

Thank you, buddy. Okay. -She's

trying to sleep, all right?

Hey, you remember what

tomorrow is, right?

- What?

- Dialysis.

- Oh, right, yeah.

- Dialysis, all right.

Yeah, I remember now.

Thanks, Pickles.

So, tomorrow you're out.

It is said that on a cold day

in Valley Forge,

George Washington talked to God

as young Americans died

on the battlefield.

Abraham Lincoln

talked to God daily.

But Gary did them one better.

Hello, Gary.

Holy sh*t.

Yes, I take a holy sh*t

every day.

God?

Well, Gary, I have many names.

But God's kind of catchy,

don't you think?

But you're the one true God?

Who created the universe?

Yeah, more or less,

but let's not dwell on that

cosmic sh*t right now.

I've got a favor

to ask you, Gary.

A favor?

A tiny, little favor that

I'd like you, Gary Faulkner,

to do for me.

Of course.

I'm calling it a favor

to be compassionate,

and kind, and nice.

It's more like a command really.

You understand?

I do.

Okay, cool.

I need you to go over

to Pakistan

and capture that son of a b*tch

Osama bin Laden for me.

OBL?

He's got to be taken down.

He pulled that 9/11 sh*t

and f***ed me right over.

Now he's got to pay the price.

No one else seems

to be able to do it, Gary.

And my patience

is getting wafer thin.

Capture bin Laden?

Capture him,

bring him back alive though.

Remember, thou shall not kill.

So we're good?

You'll go to Pakistan and

capture Osama bin Laden for me.

Perfect.

Oh, just so you know, Gary,

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