Anjelah Johnson: Not Fancy Page #3

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I almost died that night.

The smell on this train was so bad,

it literally almost choked me to death.

Have you ever tried

to hold your breath for 11 hours?

I almost died. And there would've been

nobody to charge in my murder.

They would have been,

"Oh, my God, who killed her?"

"Smell."

"Smell killed her."

This is what it's like. You get

on the train, and they have cabins,

and there are six bunk beds in each cabin.

If you don't buy all six bunk beds,

they just stick some rando

in there with you.

So good luck, okay?

So this is what it's like.

We get on the train,

and in the first cabin

there's a Chinese family,

then there's a Haitian family,

then there's us Americans,

and then there's, like, an Italian family,

then a French family.

Like, there's just all kind

of different people, right?

Like, it's kind of like a buffet.

Go with me for a second.

Like, you know how sometimes

you go to a buffet

and they got the seafood

and the Italian food,

and then they got the Chinese food

right next to the barbecue?

And you're like,

"Wait, that's too many smells.

I can't figure it out."

It was kind of like that, except it was

like a two-week-old buffet.

Yeah, it wasn't fresh.

And, like, I'm not really a diva, okay?

I don't consider myself a diva,

but that night, it was questionable.

'Cause, like, I just kept trying to

find somebody that worked on the train.

Like, "Hi. Excuse me. Hi. Um...

can you point me into the direction

where passengers can breathe?"

"Yeah, similar to this,

but preferably unscented."

"Oh, this is the only section?

Oh, okay...

'cause we bought a first-class ticket

and it's not really a first-class smell."

"Okay."

"Just go back to my seat? Okay, thanks."

I felt like I was being

human-trafficked into Paris.

I kept looking for Liam Neeson.

I couldn't find him.

When we got to Paris,

we went to the Louvre.

That's where they filmed

that movie, The Da Vinci Code.

I kept trying to reenact the scenes,

but they don't like it when you do that.

And the bridge that you walk across

to get to the Louvre

is, like, the lovers bridge, right?

Where you go with your lover,

you get a lock,

you lock it onto the bridge

and then you throw

your key into the river,

and it's supposed to be like

you're locked in love forever, right?

So we did that, but our lock

came with two keys,

so I threw one in the river.

I kept one in my pocket just in case

this fool act up. You know what I mean?

Don't play with me. Click.

It was an awesome trip.

My husband and I had a great time.

And some of you may know that my husband

is actually a Christian rapper.

Yes.

Uh, most of you probably didn't even know

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