American Pie Presents: The Book of Love Page #3

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What the hell is going on in here?

Two months seems like an awfully long time

for Saturday detention.

We're supposed to clean up the library.

Do you guys know where the vacuum is?

Nope.

What were you doing in the library anyway?

I wasn't doing anything.

Heidi was already in there.

- I was just looking for her.

- I heard she was blowing some dude.

Cody! Well, I don't know

how you're gonna go on the school ski trip

if you're still on detention.

Mom, I don't see what that has to do with it.

I didn't do anything.

I heard you were the fluffer.

- Cody.

- Look. His lips are chapped.

(EXCLAIMS)

Well, we'll see.

All right. I have to go get ready.

Maybe it's in the garage.

Rob? I wanna have a little chat with you.

Do we have to?

Honey, I know that you're growing older,

and I don't know what your father

has told you about things,

but I think it's important to discuss

everything, you know?

Like about sex.

- Are you having sex?

- Mom, I don't wanna talk about this.

No, well, it's just that I found

this sock in the laundry, and, well...

Oh, God, Mom. Put that away.

And, also,

somebody sent me a link to this video.

ROB:
No, no, no, Frizzy! No.

- Mom, just turn it off!

- I don't know how!

Your brother made it my start-up screen.

- Okay, I can... I can fix that.

- You can? Great.

- Yeah.

- Thanks.

- No, no, no, Frizzy! No!

- Thank you for that.

- Okay.

- And we're done. Right? Yeah.

Well, honey, please.

There's no reason to be ashamed.

Masturbation is perfectly natural.

I mean, boys your age

are maybe into experimentation

and trying new things with animals.

I mean, Frizzy, she's been in our family for...

Since she was a puppy...

(STAMMERS) Hey, I'm late.

- You're tardy.

- Sorry.

You can start by cleaning off

all the damaged books

and separating the ruined ones.

I'll be checking on you.

Heidi. Look, about last night...

I don't wanna talk about it.

- Well, I just wanted to tell you...

- Rob.

I'm gonna go empty this bucket.

Do you have any idea what I found here?

- This is the bible.

- I thought that was an urban legend.

No. This is real. This goes back decades.

Okay. So what?

This is exactly what we need

to finally get laid.

How is this thing gonna help us get laid?

It's ruined.

You can't even read most of it.

This book has helped one lucky guy

each year at Great Falls.

And this year, that lucky guy is us.

Even with the damage, it still has

a ton of useful stuff. Check this out.

"February 1st, 1977. The G-spot."

- I can dig it.

- LUBE:
What else you got?

"1991. How to shave your pubes

to make your dick look bigger."

Dad showed me that one.

"2003. I just had

the most amazing sexual experience."

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