American Pie Presents: The Book of Love

---

MAN 1 ON COMPUTER: Mistress,

spank my bottom. Spank it really hard!

Please, spank my bottom!

- That is unpleasant.

- Spank it really hard.

WOMAN ON COMPUTER: Lick my nipples.

No, thank you, pregnant lady.

MAN 2 ON COMPUTER: Strip, soldier!

You're gonna find out

why they call me the drill sergeant.

(WHIP CRACKS)

(SIGHS)

That's... That's nice, baby.

No, Frizzy! No!

(GROANING)

(GASPING)

No, no, no, Frizzy! No!

Frizzy.

(PHONE BEEPS)

No, no, no, wait! Cody! No.

ROB ON PHONE:
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!

Don't worry about it, man.

Everyone's got a sex tape.

Please.

Yeah, except they're having sex with people.

- (GRO ANING) Frizzy.

- Right.

It's not technically incest

if your family member's a different species.

So, are you getting close with Dana yet?

The rumours are true. She's taken the pledge.

No sex? She was your sure thing.

- Faith-camp propaganda, man.

- NATHAN:
She's waiting until marriage.

I thought she had sex with six guys.

What?

Get to class.

No cell phones in the hall, Alyson.

You can pick this up from my office

today after school.

No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!

Well, I've seen worse.

No, no, no, Frizzy! No!

(CLEARS THROAT)

Miss Johnson. Lunch today?

I'll have to check my calendar, perv... Pete.

No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!

Look. Look. Look at that.

No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!

(CHEERLEADER EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

- Hey, just ignore them.

- Oh, God. You saw it, too?

- Just so you know, it's not at all...

- Hey, don't worry about it.

Frizzy's a good-looking dog.

So, do you wanna do it? Are we on?

Rob? Rob? Are we on for seventh period?

Yeah. I... I'll...

- I'll meet you over there.

- Okay.

- Doggy style!

- Hey, Stifler.

Is that your girlfriend?

No, we're just... We're just... We're friends.

Just friends? How sweet.

Well, she seems awful ripe.

If you don't pick the fruit, I will.

STIFLER:
Hey, beautiful.

STIFLER:
Wow!

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

CHARLES ON PA:
Good morning,

East Great Falls Blazers.

Don't forget about the big game

against Central this week

and the Aloha Dance this Friday

from 7:
00 to midnight.

Hawaiian shirts and leis

are recommended for entrance.

(CHARLES GIGGLES)

- PRINCIPAL ON PA: Charles, knock that off.

- Sorry.

(MR O'DONNELL CLEARS THROAT)

Let's focus on the quiz, please.

Douche bag.

I'm serious about this pledge, you know.

I know.

- So just dancing tonight.

- Yeah. Just dancing.

The horizontal hula.

Nathan.

Poor Nathan.

His willy must be hard enough

to cut glass by now.

Nathan loves me, and Nathan respects me.

Okay. A, a guy never respects a girl

enough to give up sex.

And, B, well, what about you?

You must be feeling

pretty randy by now, Dana.

Okay, well, yeah, maybe, like, the tiniest bit,

but I really feel like I'm connecting

with the higher power here.

Yes, I know, and that is totally fab,

but I know I couldn't do it.

I'm way too into giving blow jobs.

Ask Richard.

Hey, don't listen to lmogen, okay?

Sex is a really big deal,

and if you feel like you're not ready,

then I think you should wait.

DANA:
But...

No offence, Heidi, but you have no idea

what you're talking about.

Text me later.

- Hey, Rob.

- ROB:
Yeah?

- Can I ask you something?

- Sure. What's up?

Well, it's kind of personal.

Okay.

I've been thinking.

You know I'm a virgin, right?

It's just... I don't know.

Everyone's already done it

like a million times already,

and I know I don't have a boyfriend

or whatever, but...

But sometimes I feel like I should just

get it over with.

You know? I mean,

just get past this whole thing, this virgin.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote