American Pie Presents: Beta House Page #3

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DWIGHT:
They got billionaire alumni.

DWIGHT:
They got billionaire alumni.

Hey, it's only 100 grand.

DWIGHT:
They run the student government,

and the faculty loves them.

But don't even get me started

on the women.

They attract the most beautiful women

from the entire school.

BOBBY:
Who wants to hang out

with a house full of geeks?

DWIGHT:
It's a new world out there.

These women realise

that the geeks are gonna be the millionaires

right out of school.

They've just adjusted their nesting habits.

Hey, don't sweat it.

Beta's still where the party's at, right?

Look out!

Stifler, the judging's about to begin.

(BULL EXHALES)

Judging?

(PEOPLE CHEERlNG)

(POP MUSlC PLAYlNG

THROUGH SPEAKERS)

Oh, the Beta House never disappoints.

-Are you serious? It's always like this?

-All the time.

-These girls are ridiculous.

-Ridiculous. Get the clipboard.

(WHOOPlNG)

Sweetie, you are naughty.

I am keeping you after class.

Bring that ruler. I've also been bad.

And this one over here's got great abs.

They look like fresh buttered rolls

right out of the oven.

This is the best idea I've ever had!

-No, I just... I can't handle it.

-This is chicken scratch. You're a caveman.

(BULL EXCLAlMS)

(PEOPLE CHEERlNG)

She's pulling them out.

She's pulling them out.

(PEOPLE CHEERlNG)

(ALL GASPlNG)

Perfect 10!

(BOTH WHOOPlNG)

-Beta! Beta!

-ALL:
Beta! Beta!

Ladies and gentlemen,

depravity is haunting this university.

Sex, alcohol, vulgarity, stupidity.

Once, this was a respected institution

of higher learning.

We are declaring a new age

at this university.

An age in which a student's worth

is no longer measured

by his blood alcohol level,

but rather, his GPA.

We formed this fraternity to change the way

geeks are thought of in this country.

But as history has proven,

for a new civilization to emerge,

another must crumble.

We must destroy the Betas.

Hey, Stacey, my hands are wet.

I can't get this beer open.

Will you do it for me?

Thanks. Those Kegel muscle exercises

are really paying off, huh?

So what do we have to do to become Betas?

Well, obviously, you guys are cool with me.

What you need to do

is impress the rush chair, Wesley.

-Have you guys met Wesley?

-ALL:
Uh-uh.

You haven't? All right.

He's in the other room.

Come on, I'll introduce you. Follow me.

(WESLEY PLAYlNG PlANO)

DWIGHT:

Don't be fooled by his appearance.

His nickname is the Blackout Menace.

He's a perfect student,

except for his habit

of getting belligerently drunk,

blacking out,

causing complete and total mayhem,

and never remembering a thing.

Uh...

Excuse me. Where is this plane going to?

Detroit.

Thank God.

All right, excuse me.

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