American Pie Presents: Beta House

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HARRY:
Man, will you look at all the hot tail

running around this place?

HARRY:
Man, will you look at all the hot tail

running around this place?

Look, look. Oh, God.

Dad, listen, could you just... Please,

please don't embarrass me today, okay?

-Embarrass you?

-Not today.

Son, you spent the entire summer depressed

because your girlfriend ran off

with that pretty boy, Trent.

Now, you gotta get out there

and crush some ass!

It's the only way to get your mind off her.

-Yes. Yes, that is what I'm talking about.

-Yes, huh?

"Crush some ass"? Oh, come on.

Wait, wait, wait.

-I'll show you how it's done.

-Oh, no. No, no, no.

-HARRY:
Watch this. Just watch and learn.

-Just please drive.

HARRY:
Excuse me, ladies? Hi. Hi.

-This is my son, Erik.

-Hi.

(CLEARlNG THROAT)

And he's moving in today,

and we were just wondering

if maybe either of you were interested

in showing him a good time?

No, thanks.

COOZE:
(LAUGHlNG) Oh!

HARRY:
I'm sorry.

-He's a stallion, just like his old man!

-No, Dad, come on!

(HARRY NElGHlNG)

Well, I tried, Erik.

Yeah, thanks.

Now I'm gonna have to transfer.

-Son, son?

-Yeah.

I want to show you something.

That is the list of all the chicks

I ever banged.

Are you serious?

-ls that two-sided? It is! Nice!

-lt is!

Yeah. It's a good goal foryou to try

to keep up with your old man.

Hey, Dad, why isn't Mom's name

the last name on the list there?

Uh...

We didn't tell you, but when you were three,

we had a trial separation for a week.

Trial...

Dad, there's like... Well,

there's 10 names here for that week alone.

Yeah, I went on kind of

a poon-tang bender, there.

Is that my mom's name?

Yeah, you know, on second thought,

I'll just kind of hang on to that.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Come on, guys. Let's get loaded here!

-I'm sorry.

-Cooze, grab a box.

-Did you have sex with his mom?

-Yeah.

How was it?

(EXCLAlMS DlSGUSTEDLY)

Wow! This place is amazing.

Hi.

God, there are girls everywhere.

This is my room.

It still kind of sucks

that we're not gonna be rooming together.

Dude, whatever.

You're gonna be right down the hall.

Besides, I got a single.

-Hold on to this. I'm gonna find a bathroom.

-All right.

I'll be right back.

Hi, how you doing?

Mike Coozeman. Glad to meet you.

(UNZlPPlNG PANTS)

Wow. This is gonna

take some getting used to.

(ERlK CHUCKLES)

Yeah, isn't this the guy's bathroom?

No, it's coed. All the dorms are like this.

Cool, coed, yeah.

Don't worry. I won't peek.

Yeah, I won't peek... I won't peek, either.

-ASHLEY:
I'm Ashley, what's your name?

-I'm Erik.

-ASHLEY:
Well, it's nice to meet you, Erik.

-It's nice to meet you, too.

(SHOWER RUNNlNG)

Hey, do you think you could pass me

my shampoo? It's just right there.

-Yeah. Just give me a minute here, okay?

-Thanks.

ASHLEY:
Erik?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

ASHLEY:
Erik?

Alittle help here?

(SlGHS)

(GROANS)

BOBBY:
Ride the white whale, baby!

Ride the white whale.

-Oh, yeah.

-Oh, my God. Oh, man. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, the doorwas...

-Hey, you must be Erik.

-I am.

-I'm Bobby.

-Hi.

-BOBBY:
Hey.

-Hey, hey.

-Come on in, man.

-ERlK:
No, no, no. It's...

-You guys are busy. I can come back later.

-Okay, listen. This is your place, too,

and don't worry about Margie.

She's not exactly shy.

(CHUCKLlNG NERVOUSLY) No, she's not.

-Sit down. You want a beer?.

-No.

-You sure?

-ERlK:
Yeah.

Are you hungry?

Margie cooked up some mean bratwurst.

(BED CREAKlNG)

-No, I just had a sandwich. Thanks.

-BOBBY:
All right.

-Where're you from?

-East Great Falls.

(GROANlNG) East Great Falls.

Slow down, sassy pants.

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