American Pie Presents: Band Camp Page #5

Let me see if I have this straight.

Elyse, you think Matt is an arrogant jock

who wears his penis on his forehead...

just to gain the approval of

his sociopathic brother.

And Matt, you think Elyse

is an uptight, geeky prude...

who needs to loosen up and get laid.

Excuse the expression, dear.

Is that close to being on the money?

Look, kids...

the only way to solve your differences...

is by working together.

So why don't you start tomorrow...

by putting one foot in front of the other?

Left flank hut.

Turn and hut.

What the f***!

Band 10 hut!

Holy sh*t.

When I yell "band 10 hut,"

you snap firmly at attention.

- You want to see me firmly at attention?

- I already have. I wasn't impressed.

Look...

we've never beaten Beechwood, okay?

For some of us, it's our last shot.

Just stop screwing up, okay?

Yeah, a**hole.

Okay, people, back to work, let's go.

Whatever.

I don't need this sh*t.

Reset the block. Front ranks, right here.

Housekeeping.

Oscar, brought me something to drink?

- Come on.

- Good looking out, baby.

Hey, it's Ernie Crapowitz.

So you finally came out of the closet.

Good for you.

Look, I want to know

what goes on at night, all right?

All the crazy sh*t.

Naked pillow fights, whatever.

Do I look like the guy that's in charge of

the naked pillow fights, huh?

It's my first time here.

Notice the beanie?

Yes.

Yes, I do.

Yes, speaking of beanies,

where's yours, Stifler?

You still not following the rules, huh?

- Let's see.

- Look. He's getting in trouble again.

No standard-issue Tall Oaks T-shirt

and no beanie.

I believe that's two points from Great Falls,

Mr. Nelson.

Tell you what, Vande-cramp...

what if I took his beanie...

and put it on my weenie?

How do you like that Vande-cramp?

It's on my head, right?

Make it five points from Great Falls.

Five points.

Man, this place sucks donkey ass.

Put your beanie on, Son.

Five points.

Stay still. Stop moving.

He ain't going nowhere now.

This isn't your world. This is our

world, and we don't want you in it.

You already cost us

five points in the standings.

We can't have that.

Set the man up with his beanie.

Now you're representing, fool.

And this toothpaste...

this will make up

for the pepper spray, a**hole.

Oh, sh*t.

I'll get the paint thinner

from maintenance.

Animals.

Matt, you were sent here...

to make a change.

And, so far, you've only had

your sinuses sanitized. So...

I think it's time to try a new approach.

Make some friends.

Earn their trust.

Why would I want to earn their trust?

Good.

Welcome to Stifler-vision.

I think there's

a cymbal class at 1:00.

I hate that.

Yeah, but it's better than

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