Almost Christmas Page #5

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Mick Jagger, 1983.

That was a special tour.

This looks like

all the ingredients to vomit.

And this here is Aunt May's

prized possession, baby.

I put my foot in this.

This is my potato salad

from Poland.

Pickled fish, duck sausage

with mayonnaise.

And to wash it all down,

some milk tea

with boiled tapioca balls.

Little Richard gave me

that one. Yes!

Who wants pizza?

Me!

I do!

Extra sausage.

- Pepperoni!

- We like thick crust.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Thick crust.

Hey! Wait a minute.

Your Aunt May went through a lot

of trouble preparing all this.

Yes, I did.

The least we could do

is to eat her...

What's this?

Thank you, Walter.

Because this right here, baby,

this is my spiced mung bean

winter casserole

with a hint of...

Spam.

Limburger cheese.

Baby lotion?

You all remind my ass

when to laugh, okay?

Aunt May, this looks

like a million bucks.

Thank you, baby.

And Cameron is going to be

the first one to try it.

Wait! Why do I have to eat it?

I didn't do anything wrong!

Don't talk back

to your mother, boy.

Why can't you eat it?

Don't talk back to your daddy.

Y'all are all going

to owe me a huge apology.

Here we go.

Just a little taste

to kick off the celebration.

I don't want to die.

Open your mouth.

Here, hold his nose. Hold his

nose so he opens his mouth.

Be a man now.

Hold his nose!

Open! Okay.

Open up. Get it in.

There you go.

Seal it!

- Chew it!

- Cameron, are you okay?

You ungrateful bastards!

The whole lot of you!

Now I'm in there slaving my ass

off trying to make it right.

You think his ass upset right now? Wait

till he finds out you not his daddy.

Aunt May!

Aunt May!

It's not that we wouldn't like it.

We just don't recognize it.

Kiss my ass.

Put it on a plate then.

And I guarantee you it's better

than this food on this table.

And I don't know

where your ass been at.

Lonnie.

Am I wrong?

I'm sorry, Walter.

Look, well, at least

there's bread.

Here, baby, have some bread.

Here, have some bread.

Baby, you know, Brooks has

got me on a meal plan.

Mommy!

It doesn't look good in here.

It's a low-carb...

Daddy, Aunt May doesn't think she's actually

cooking Christmas dinner, does she?

With any luck, she's not.

Grace always believed in

everybody pitching in.

Grandma let me snap the peas.

She did, she did.

She used to make me

clean a tub of greens.

She would be like, "Rachel, make sure

you get those bugs out them greens."

Yeah.

Somehow I always ended up having a

ton of bugs in my greens anyway.

But you barreled through. Didn't you?

Didn't let that stop you.

Extra protein.

Yeah.

Remember after I got married, Mom

finally let me make the stuffing?

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