Al Madrigal: Why Is the Rabbit Crying? Page #4

---

Always a Quiznds,

nail salon...

Liberty Tax.

#They con some poor Mexican-American teenager

to dress up like

the Statue of Liberty out front.

[cheers and applause]

Be ashamed

of themselves.

Laundromat,

cigarette wholesaler,

karate studio...

Thai massage.

#Every one of the businesses

is owned by somebody

of a different ethnicity.

It's like a giant stucco

American dream catcher.

So I got the neck

I can barely move.

#I got a big show to do that night.

You guys see how much movement

l do onstage.

#It's important for me to get that

worked out.

So I go to the Thai massage,

first appointment of the day.

You don't want to show up

at the end of a long shift

because those places

are shady, right?

How do you know

if it's one of the shady places?

First of all,

it's in the strip mall.

#And secondly,

if it's got the same hours

as a Jack in the Box...

it's probably

a Jack in the Box.

So...

I go in,

first appointment.

Nice Asian lady gives me

the neck massage part, 40 bucks.

I don't know if it was Thai,

but she gave it to me.

#Feels better.

Now it's time for her to ask me

if I want the extra part.

But she can't say

in the words she wants to because it's illegal.

So she whispers

these words in my ear,

"Do you want me

to make banana cry?"

Uh...

[laughter applause]

"No, I don't want you

to make banana cry.

"But can you ask me again?

#Because that's f***ing hilarious."

I was thinking,

"What did banana do to you?"

Banana feels bad enough being

in here in the first place.

What a family-friendly way

to ask somebody

if they want a strip mall hand job.

It's not something

you ever expect to hear.

It's something you expect

to read from the transcripts

of when Mr. Rogers

is brought up on charges.

The banana part

we all get, right?

The banana part we get.

Crying, though?

Rarely when I cry do all

my tears shoot out at one time.

"I'm so sad!

I'm so sad!

#"I'm so sad. I'm so sorry.

For your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss."

Crinkle up a sock.

- Whoo!

- "I'm so sorry."

ls anybody lonely out there?

Clap if you're lonely.

Anybody want to admit it?

[scattered applause]

That's a pretty good, solid clap.

Because loneliness

is underrated.

#You don't realize what you have.

Lonely people

make the mistake

of crying themselves to sleep at night.

They go, "Oh,

I wish I had a companion,

someone to watch Criminal Minds with."

[blubbers]

You don't realize what you got.

I love going on the road.

I don't want to tell

my family this,

but I love to go on the road

and go on a nice,

king-size bed, spread out.

Because at home,

any parent can tell you,

you got some sweaty,

little f***er,

gets up at 2:
00 in the morning

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes