Achmed Saves America Page #3
- Year:
- 2014
- 261 Views
Ginny:
Here's a soft pillow.Achmed:
How I hate them. Is it hypoallergenic?Ginny:
Just like you asked.Achmed:
Yes, thank you, evil, American, monster she-woman.Ginny:
You French have such colorful words for everything. Oh, are you writing a book'?Achmed:
Yes, it is a book of humorous observations about small-town life, like the kind by your famousinstigator of suicide, Garrison Keillor.
Ginny:
That's nice. Nighty-night now.Achmed:
Nighty-night, nighty-nights. Hello, gorgeous.Kevin:
Hey! I want to talk to you.Achmed:
I don't have a bomb.Kevin:
You're not fooling me, kid. I know why you're here.Achmed:
Is that so? Well...Kevin:
My parents brought you here just to make me look bad. I can't compare to how cool you are. You're from France and all. I hate you.Achmed:
Aw, really? I hate you too.Kevin:
My dad thinks I should beplaying football, but I don't want to do that. I'm good at other stuff, secret stuff, i've never even told my parents about.
Achmed:
You wish to lie with another boy of your gender?Kevin:
No! I want to be... a ventriloquist.Achmed:
A what?Kevin:
You know, a ventriloquist. I have a dummy.I make it talk. We tell jokes in front of big
audiences and get big laughs.
Achmed:
That is a job?Kevin:
Yes!Achmed:
That is the stupidest thing i've ever heard.Seriously, who is going to pay to see anyone do that crap?
Kevin:
But I'm good at it. I've been practicingwith my new dummy. Da-d a-d a-d a!
Little Jeff.
Little Jeff:
Hiya, Claude.Achmed:
That toy is possessed with a human spirit!I pound your face with a shoe, which is the worst thing
you can do to someone in my country for some reason
that no one has ever explained to anyone.
Kevin:
Hey, what's wrong with you? I'm sorry i said anything to you. This is gonna be a long summer.Achmed:
Or a short one. Aah! Whew. It's only you. I thought you were Jessica Chastain.Cassidy:
Who's that?Achmed:
She was the crazy b*tch in The Help. What are you doing here?Cassidy:
I was, like, out with my boyfriend, now my ex-boyfriend. Ugh. I hate him. I wish he was dead.Achmed:
Hmm. Does he live within a 20-mile radiusof tomorrow's parade?
Cassidy:
Please don't tell Mom and Dad.Achmed:
The place where my lips once were is sealed.Cassidy:
They never liked him anyway. They think I have, like, bad taste in guys?
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"Achmed Saves America" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 4 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/achmed_saves_america_24146>.
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