A Zed & Two Noughts Page #4

- I don't believe it.

- Neither do I.

The circus owner by leasing out

the bear with a jar of honey

had two profitable sources of income.

God, Milo! This is another

whingeing story about money.

- And I disapprove of circuses.

- I disapprove of zoos.

Just shut up and get out.

But I haven't got to the erotic bit yet.

Get out!

Get out!

Oh, mind your snail!

Out!

Get out! Go on!

Out!

# If you go down to the woods today

You'd better go in disguise

# If you go down to the woods today

Be sure of...

Be careful with those,

you stupid idiot!

It's best mohair.

I spent a lot of time on this suit.

# If you go down to the woods today

You'd better go in disguise

# If you go down to the woods today

Be sure of a big surprise

What sort of stories does

your brother Oswald like?

Why don't you go and ask him?

# At six o'clock

their mummies and daddies

# Will take them home to bed

# Because they're tired

# Little teddy bears #

And leave those little snails alone,

you dirty old man.

Oh, Lord! It's Oswald Deuce again!

What's he up to?

What's the connection

between apples and prawns?

What do gone off prawns remind you of?

And what's the betting all of Oswald's

wives smells like that there?

Maybe he enjoyed the smell so much,

he's trying to recapture it.

You're disgusting!

You are too prim for words.

Make him eat a prawn!

Oswald won't mind.

Take that off. Put this on.

It belongs to my wife.

And this hat.

Open the coat down the front.

Fold your arms.

All right, begin.

In Botswana,

they kept a bull in a cave...

I've heard it.

You have? Hmm.

Well...

In the 1870s,

in the Regent's Park Zoo in London

there was an enclosure

reserved for certain rare animals

that came to be called,

"The Obscene Animals Enclosure."

One of the animals,

in this special enclosure,

was a toad.

At least it had the body of a toad.

It was all your bloody fault!

- What was?

- The death of my wife!

I see.

I'm expected to have a pilot's licence?

How could I anticipate swans?

You were wearing white feathers

and you were driving a Ford Mercury.

- So?

- You were asking for trouble.

Why?

You said you took mercury

to procure an abortion.

You were pregnant.

How the hell did you know

I was pregnant?

Pregnant women

are notoriously unreliable.

Especially, when they're trying

to procure an abortion.

It was all your fault, you b*tch!

Oliver!

Was my story worth 10?

I normally get 25 for 4,000 words.

That's one-eighth of what Pauline Rage

got for The Story of O.

- Did I tell it well?

- Yes!

Write it down,

I'll see it gets published.

That's what your brother said.

Is it?

Isn't it time you and he

became a little more friendly?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes