A Zed & Two Noughts Page #3

- What was Griselda wearing?

- A green hat, black shoes.

- We left there about 3:00...

- Was she wearing a scarf?

Yes. We turned out

of the car park and then...

Why was she buying china?

She said she needed china.

She bought 6 soup-bowls...

What were they like?

They were white with blue markings

and an egg-timer and a milk-jug.

An egg-timer? What the hell

did she want with an egg-timer?

I imagine, Oswald, to time eggs.

- Well, why would she want to time eggs?

- Oswald, think what you're saying.

What else did she buy?

Paula wanted to go to the fishmonger.

- I bought a lobster.

- Why did you buy a lobster for?

- Oswald, this is getting silly.

- Did my wife buy anything?

Oh, yes, prawns.

- Prawns?

- Yes!

Thank you! That will do for now.

But all this is a long way back

in the story.

Oh, well. Thank you, for telling me.

Oswald, where are you going?

The variety of shape, form and structure

in the development of animals

at this time is extraordinary.

Side-scuttling crabs,

slow-moving snails,

animals that look like stones,

that take on the colour of sand,

animals that resemble plants,

that scavenge,

that develop poisons

and stinging apparatus,

that live on detritus and each other,

creating systems of defence and attack,

whose ingenuity is limitless.

Anything in the papers, then?

- Why don't you sit down, Plate?

- Thanks very much, Oliver.

I heard you was in here.

- There's a funny smell in here.

- It's me, I've stopped washing.

Now, I'm sorry,

to hear about your wife.

So am I.

Venus de Milo has been asking after you.

Everyone's pimp and messenger,

eh, Plate?

Suit yourself.

Milo,

have you ever done it with animals?

If that's what you want,

if it would help,

I could invent for you.

It'll cost 5 a story.

That's what Anas Nin charged in 1927,

only she did it professionally.

I haven't started professionally, yet.

5 or an introduction to a publisher.

- Or a credit note to a large bookshop...

- That's all right! All right, go on!

Once upon a time,

there were three bears...

No nursery stories.

No? All right.

A circus owner in Anchorage

kept a polar bear called Fairbanks

to entertain Eskimo wives...

Unlikely!

And how come you know about Alaska?

I was attentive in geography.

The bear had a narrow snout,

a sweet nature,

and a rough and probing tongue.

It also liked honey...

It's beginning to sound

like a bedtime story.

- Isn't that just what you wanted?

- And there are no bees in Alaska.

There are as many bees

in Alaska as snails.

Why do you like snails?

They're a nice

primitive form of life.

They helped the world decay

and they're hermaphrodite

and can satisfy their own sexual needs.

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