A Modern Twain Story: The Prince and the Pauper Page #5

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He wouldn't know if I was in there or not.

Let's go, kid. The jig is up.

I said let's go. We know you're faking.

I'm really sorry.

It all happened so fast.

I just came in here to see Eddie Tudor.

And then we switched clothes

and the production assistant...

Hold it! What are you talking about?

I thought you knew.

I'm not Eddie. My name's Tom Canty.

Oh, my God.

I've had it. We've all had it.

I know your little fainting spell

was a put-on.

- Huh?

- It was a fake.

I'm saying I know your faint was a fake.

- How can you fake a faint?

- Oh, you can fake a faint.

- You can't fake a faint.

- I've seen you do it all over the lot.

The stunt guys taught you how,

three movies ago.

You've got to get your priorities straight,

Eddie.

I'm not Eddie.

You're driving me crazy.

And I have to tell you the truth.

They're thinking of replacing you.

They think you've lost your appeal.

Losing appeal? Eddie Tudor?

Are they crazy?

You've got to get your act together.

Know your lines, come on time,

no mouthing off, no practical jokes,

no fainting spells,

and no telling me you're not who you are!

Believe me, kid,

you say that to one person out there,

and you are toast.

They'll pull the plug on this production,

your mother will lose her job,

and no one will work with you again.

Could that really happen

to someone like Eddie Tudor?

It's show business. You bet your butt it can.

Miles.

Phony actors.

- Hey.

- Hey, pal. What's going on?

Nothing much. Got a phone?

- You got someone to call?

- Yeah.

Why don't you go in the house

and use your own phone?

He's sort of mad at me.

- We haven't met. I'm Eddie Tudor.

- Now, why don't you stop that?

That's going to do nothing for you

but get you grounded.

- I'm serious.

- Yeah, so am I.

What is wrong with you people?

You're all crazy.

I mean, don't you know

who's who around here?

Look at me. I'm Eddie Tudor!

Tom, get in here!

Hey.

What's up with that kid?

Looking good.

Thomas, dinner's ready!

What?

- Do you have anything else to eat?

- What?

Well, it's not a veggie burger,

and I'm a vegetarian.

What do you want from me? What?

You want to go to acting classes?

- What loser wants to go to acting classes?

- That's what I was saying.

Yeah. Why would I want to do that?

I'm already a movie star.

You've got to stop this, Tom.

I'm not Tom. I'm Eddie Tudor.

And if you don't mind,

I'd like to borrow your phone

so I can call the studio

and have someone come and pick me up.

Tom is probably looking for me

to switch places with him again.

You're completely losing it.

Why don't you just fix yourself

a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

There's nothing I can do with you.

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