A Long Way Down Page #3

I just

need to make sure I'm home to

make Matty some breakfast.

- Matty?

- My son.

- You have a son?

- Yes.

His breakfast is quite complicated.

I don't, er...

Look, if I... If I'm not going to die

tonight, it's important that he...

He doesn't know anything

that happened...

Here she comes.

Oh, boy.

Uh...

OK.

I've just got a few

things to clarify.

Uh, number one,

my gown's open-backed, 'cos

they've stolen my clothes,

so I'm just gonna do a twirl for you right

now and you can have a look at my arse.

Just once. It's not

my best feature,

but that's something that you'll probably

find out the more we get to know one another.

Uh, number two, it... It really...

It wasn't an overdose,

it was just an accident.

- Jess...

- Honestly. I just... I took all these pills

and then... And then I took some more.

But it was... It was just for fun.

I'd never kill myself

by taking pills.

I'd probably do

something really cool,

like jumping off the

top of a tower block.

Jess, we were worried.

Was I on number three? Erm...

I think I was on number four.

I just wanted to say,

thank you so much for caring,

because I really, um...

I really, really appreciate it.

He was worried. I was trying to work

out what we were still doing here.

Number five. I think I was on

number f... something... six...

F***.

Is... is it just me?

Because it's...

It's really f***ing

cold out here, guys.

It's really cold.

Come here. Come here now.

- Come on in. Come on.

- Yes. Hmm?

Thanks.

Psst.

Hmm.

When is the next date after New Year's

Eve when everybody kills themselves?

- Why?

- Valentine's Day.

That's six weeks away.

OK, here's the deal.

Nobody kills themselves until then.

Why?

I mean, why would

we want to do that?

Why would we not want to kill ourselves

if and when and how we want, eh?

Come on, what's the alternative?

It's some sort of

race to the finish.

It's me checking the

obituaries every week

to see if Martin Sharp is dead.

No of fence, guys, but I don't

think your deaths would

really make the papers.

Come on, it's six weeks.

It's not such a ridiculous idea.

Yes, Maureen. Has

anybody got a pen?

- Can I have some paper as well?

- Paper.

Great. Thanks.

"The undersigned do hereby promise

"not to kill themselves

"before Valentine's Day."

Maureen, sign just

wherever you like.

Pizza boy.

- But it's...

- You're dying anyway, hmm?

Martin Sharp.

Life-saver.

Superman.

Six weeks, Martin.

We'll all push you off the top

ourselves if it makes any difference.

It could be a little

Valentine's Day treat.

I'm pretty sure we're all

going to live to regret this.

Guys, look.

So, this is a new year, then.

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