A Little Bit of Heaven

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Come on, let's go.

Come on, kiddo.

- We're going to have some fun.

- Yeah!

You know I'm the best friend

ever. Now get out of here.

- Have fun.

- We won't be back till after five, so

- have lots of sex with your husband.

- Marley!

Hot, steamy, unbridled sex.

Thank you. You all have fun.

Be good for Marley.

We're gonna be good, Mommy.

- No sugar.

- Course not.

- She said no sugar.

- Love you, Mommy.

Take care.

Have fun with her.

Make that magic happen!

- Ready, baby?

- Yes.

- What are we gonna do today?

- Go get some sugar.

What?! Sugar?

If you think

this is what I want out of life,

you know, the whole matrimonial,

maternal fairy tale, you're wrong.

It's not for me and that's okay,

because this idea

that you have to fall in love

in order to live happily ever after

is just not true.

Stanley...

Stanley...

you gotta get up, buddy.

I gotta go to work.

Hey!

Yeah, good morning.

Oh, Sh*t.

wake up one morning

you realize

your life is one big compromise,

stuck in the job

I would totally get my brother

to go out with you, if you walk Stanley.

If I had a brother.

feel like the world

is passing you by

Stanley!

Never done all the things

you would need to try

stuck in one place

- Let's go see Uncle Peter.

Good boy. Good boy.

There he is.

Good morning.

If I didn't have to work,

I'd cuddle with you. Love the undies!

What I'm living for

You ask yourself

there's got to be something else

something more, more, more

well, let the sun shine on your face

don't let your life go to waste

now is the time,

got to make up your mind

let it shine on you,

let it shine on you

you ask yourself

there's got to be more

than what I'm living for,

than what I'm living for

you ask yourself

there's got to be something else

Excuse me.

something more, more, more

Oh, my God.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

- Wow!

- You need to watch where you're going.

Hello. Poster child for not mixing

wine with vodka.

You drank twice as much.

How are you okay?

- Are you okay?

- Ohh h.

Are you? Say yes.

Ohhh!

- Glad you could join us. Ready?

- I thought you were doing this.

Okay, why don't we start.

Marley?

- Good morning.

- Morning.

I'm sure this town

has been pitching the hell out of you,

so I won't bother with that.

But I will tell you

that you'll never be number one

as long as your customer base

is 82 percent male.

Yes. Well, women don't buy condoms.

Not yours.

Come on, gentlemen.

As I'm sure you're all painfully aware,

it is women, myself included,

who dictate when, where,

how, with whom and how many times

we're going to have sex.

We can't always count on the man

to have condoms lying around.

So we actually do go buy them

and then we end up in the condom aisle

with a choice.

So which brand do we buy?

Do we buy Trojan, whose very name

conjures the essence of

penetration with protection?

Or do we choose the one

with the skanky-looking girl,

with big tits,

skimpy shorts

and stripper pumps?

I'll keep this one.

- Hey!

- Yay! Hi, baby.

She had them and their condoms

wrapped around her little finger.

- Alright!

- To the youngest, the hottest

vice president

in the history of advertising.

You should think about

buying a house now.

Yeah, why take the time

to stop and smell the roses?

What you need is a big, fat mortgage

like an albatross around your neck.

Okay, in honour of Marleys

white-trash taste buds we have...

Mac and cheese pizza?

You know what I want

for my birthday? Your metabolism.

I'll trade you my metabolism

for those b*obs.

Throw in that necklace

and you've got a deal.

Baby, that's a good trade.

Hey. She's gonna have her own b*obs

soon enough.

Way to keep a secret, Marley.

- Are you getting implants?

- No.

- I'm pregnant.

- You're pregnant?

- Cammie's getting a brother.

- Another one.

But we're not ruling out

the implant thing.

- You're disgusting.

- Cheers. To you, Marley.

To us.

- Bye, you guys.

- Good luck out there.

- Congratulations on the new boy.

- May he be happy and healthy.

- And may he have a huge penis.

- Geez! You are just terrible.

- Speaking of terrible...

- Speed down.

- Marley made a booty call.

- Shut up.

- I'm serious, baby.

- Bye, good night.

Good night, Doug.

- Love you.

- Love you.

Hey, Doug. Wanna come over?

Oh, you're coming over.

No, you are coming over.

Oh, my God! Oh!

Oh!

Mmm, not bad, mister.

Not bad at all.

Oh!

So, does this mean

I actually get to spend the night?

I mean, I love being the first number

on the booty call list, but...

Well, second?

Sure.

What if I want something more?

What if I don't'?

Really?

I thought we made that clear

when we met.

That's what people say at first,

so no one gets hurt.

Not me.

Oh! What? Oh, my goodness.

I love you. I love you.

Real.

That's not real. Got it?

- Yes.

Real. Okay?

Not real.

- Fake.

- Fake.

Silicon Valley. Got it?

You sure?

Here's a little something

to celebrate your promotion.

Thank you, Mommy.

Such a kind mama.

Okay. Let's see.

'Congratulations from your best friends

forever. Renee, Thomas and Cammie. '

Oh, you're so good with words.

Is this the actual gift, or are you

setting me up with him?

The idea is:
You take him out

and you, um, put a real man in it.

What? Like maybe Doug.

- Who?

- Ohhh.

Come on.

We all know he wasn't a keeper.

- Poor Doug.

- No poor Doug.

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