A Few Best Men Page #7

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invites me on a weekend break.

(Laughs)

CATERER:
Ah!

(Crash!)

Jesus Christ on a bike!

Dave, your... mates are here.

Interesting choice of facial

scrub you got there, fella.

It's just the way my hair grows.

Well, there's only room for

one dictator in this family.

I'm so hungry, I could eat a

sack full of baby kittens.

This is amazing, Barbara. What is it?

We have Crystal Cove

prawns, Coffin Bay oysters

and lobster mornay in a cheese sauce.

(Graham retches)

(Tom chuckles)

Sorry - it's cheese.

I get malaise.

So, what do you do, Luke?

I fall in love with women who then

sh*t on me from a great height.

You shouldn't put them on a pedestal.

So what are the bride and

groom going to be doing

on their final night of freedom?

Oh, we're gonna crank up the Abba,

turn on the sauna, get pedicures.

Maybe do some underarm hair waxing.

- Oh, Daphne. Girls only, I'm afraid.

- Oh, that's a shame.

What about you boys?

I think we'll just head out,

have a quiet drink or two.

- Just two?

- You're welcome to join us.

Yeah, Jim, come with us.

We're gonna get wankered.

Not wankered.

Don't listen to what he says,

we're gonna get wankered.

I'm sorry about my

friends, that was awful.

Come on, they're really funny.

They're not meant to be funny,

they're meant to be normal.

Baby, it's a wedding, OK?

Worlds collide.

(sighs)

So, this is it, isn't it?

I'm not gonna see you till

you're walking down the aisle.

Afraid not.

Love you, Mr Locking.

(sighs)

- F*** me, mate, she's loaded.

- Can you keep your voice down?

Alright, David? You seem a bit stressed.

I am stressed. I just found out

I'm about to marry a Kennedy,

you turn up acting like morons.

- Who's acting like morons?

- You vomited onto your plate.

- It had cheese.

- Look, this wedding is important.

More important than anything ever

so I need everyone to behave.

(Bu rps)

OK.

(Sighs) I'm not going anywhere and

you're not getting me wankered.

DAVID:
I'm completely

wankered, you bastards.

TOM:
11th hour with the lads, of

course you were gonna get wankered.

LUKE:
You're not seriously going

to move out here, are you, David?

Whatll happen to us if you go?

DAVID:
I'll always be there

for you, mate, wherever I am.

We're practically brothers.

So what? If Chip doesn't have a

penis, it doesn't reflect on you.

LUKE:
Who told you Chip

doesn't have a penis?

- Tom did.

- Tom!

TOM:
That Chip has sailed! (Laughs)

This place is a nightmare.

They don't tell you about all this

sh*t in the adverts, do they?

Guys, watch this.

Graham. Graham.

What the f*** is that on your neck,

man?

(squeals)

(All laugh)

- Get it off me! Get it off me!

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