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Haven't you heard of Vogue?

Course I have.

Wait...

Come here.

So, what do you say?

If this dumb b*tch

can do it, so can I...

That's good one.

Yes.

That's great.

Yes.

Can you lie down so I get you

from another angle?

Hang on, move off!

You're texting on set?!

You've ruined my hair!

I've got more black

tape if you need it.

- I've got to go!

- What?!

Gotta go!

I'll take you with a Polaroid

to punish you.

I said I didn't want analogue.

What's so urgent that you can't

tell me over the phone?

I'm up to my neck in sh*t.

I love your new flat.

Minimalism.

It's not mine. I'm renting it,

until the b*tch leaves my flat.

Josip?

What Josip?!

The troll from the gas board.

You introduced

him to me as your b*tch.

He's no longer my b*tch,

but someone else's.

He'll never read my meter again.

They can send

someone else for all I care.

You've got a dog?

Are you crazy?!

I faint at 'Lassie Come Home'.

So who's the b*tch, then?

Katica Bergen. An interior desi-

gner. She's designing my flat.

The b*tch treats me like

she's paying me and not me her.

So what's so urgent?

The deadline's in half an hour.

For what?

For my career.

Pixie!

So what?!

It was my first title role!

What title role? You were

Pixie in 'Dixie's home'.

So bloody what! Is a streetcar

the lead in

'A Streetcar Named Desire'?!

What about the casting

for that Macedonian relish?

You mixed it up.

I got hooked on that relish

when I was visiting Skopje.

But this was for Samobor relish.

I was on the short list until

I threw up over the director.

At the end of the ad, I had to

put a spoonful of that sh*t

into my gob.

And that ad for beer?

No beer gut... no points.

Milk?

Lost it to

a balding family-type.

Cat food?

I'm allergic to hairs.

Mobile phones?

They go for cool kids.

Sorry, I can't lend you

any money.

The b*tch skinned me alive

and I'm in the red.

I've flunked all the ads,

so if I can't get a part

as befits a qualified actor,

I'll have to do

what's beneath my dignity.

As my granddad would say:

'Beggars can't be choosers.'

And that is...?

Theatre. Casting in the theatre.

I get you.

You really have

gone to the dogs.

The director is gay.

And?

Well... Maybe I'll have a

chance... If I hit on him.

But you're not gay.

And I'm no Pixie,

but I won second prize

at the regional competition

at Koprivnica!

It's not the same.

Being gay isn't a role.

You don't act it!

You live it,

for f***'s sake!

So when Shakespeare says

that all the world's a stage

and we are all players,

you reckon that's bullshit?

What are you trying to say?

I'm trying to say I want you to

teach me how to be gay.

How to be gay?

That's it. You've got

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