22 Jump Street Page #2

I'd opened a crate and the

octopus had leapt onto my face.

Apparently, they have

many, many arms.

They have eight tentacles.

Yes, and...

Look, ladies,

nobody gave a sh*t about the jump

street reboot when you first came on.

Anyone with half a

brain, myself included,

thought it was destined

to fail spectacularly.

But you got lucky.

So now this department

has invested

a lot of money to make sure

jump street keeps going.

We've doubled their budget.

As if spending twice the money

guaranteed twice the profit.

Like that's going to work.

Yeah. Well, the commissioner's

convinced this debacle happened

because you weren't doing the

same undercover student thing

you did the first time.

She doesn't get that

it's always worse

the second time around.

You settle into worn-out roles.

One gets possessive,

the other runs away.

You begin a slow,

painful unraveling,

as all the good things

that came before

begin to be crushed by the

trash compactor of sadness.

That doesn't sound like us.

I mean...

I'm getting a divorce.

We don't want to

do the same thing.

We want to burst

through our ceiling.

And you're Gonna

find another ceiling

and you got to bust

through that one,

and you just got to keep

hammering ceilings.

Okay, okay, okay.

What if we actually went

into the secret service

and, like, tried to

protect the white house?

I think... I don't

think that would work.

I'm going to ask you

to stop talking.

I thought it was a

pretty good idea.

Do the same thing as last

time, everyone's happy.

I can't believe the Koreans

bought their church back.

Yeah. Good thing there

was an even bigger

abandoned church directly

across the street.

Yeah. That's convenient.

Yes, it is convenient.

Next year, we'll probably just

be right back across the street.

Just next door.

Let's not get ahead

of ourselves.

We're not ahead of ourselves.

We're right next to each other.

This is awesome. Like, way

more expensive for no reason.

Look at Dickson's office.

Looks like a giant cube of ice.

How you b*tches like

jump street now?

Hey!

Y'all see this sh*t?

22 jump street is the lick.

And I got a big-ass raise

to babysit you two

f***ers again.

Designed it myself. We

got an Espresso bar.

I'm thinking about a

shark tank over there.

Ooh, I like sharks.

F*** a 21 jump street,

and f*** a Korean Jesus.

Whoa! Cap, come on, Korean

Jesus is right there.

That's Vietnamese Jesus.

See, this a Vietnamese church.

You racist, sacrilegious

sack of sh*t.

Look at that. Vietnamese

Jesus just dripping Swagoo.

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