Two of a Kind

Synopsis: God has had just about enough of the human's attitude so he will destroy the planet very soon. It is up to a struggling inventor and a bank teller, both with very amateur criminal minds, to save the world...
Director(s): John Herzfeld
Production: 20th Century Fox Film Corporation
  6 nominations.
 
IMDB:
4.8
Metacritic:
5
Rotten Tomatoes:
20%
PG
Year:
1983
88 min
27 Views

Neverstand behind a golfer, dummy,

when he's gettin'ready, to take a shot.

Stand over there.

Damn!

- Want some chicken?.

- I quit eatin' meat. It slows me down.

Let's go, boys. The boss is on his way.

I'm glad he's comin' back,

but there goes my golf game--

weekends too.

Should be around here somewhere.

Hey, Gonzales, you see

where my ball went?.

I'm notyour caddy. I'm a garbage man.

Yeah, butyou got eyes.

You can see that garbage.

You oughta be able to

see a little white ball.

- Charlie! Charlie! You see my ball?.

- Yeah, I saw it.

- Where is it?.

- God only knows.

You know, Charlie, you

oughta ask them fora change.

You've been a bum down there

for almost a millennium.

Look, you worry about what you do,

and I 'll worry about what I do.

Do you know what it's like to hear

you guys argue through eternity?.

Well, put some chicken in your ears.

Charlie, give me my ball. I

knowyou took it! Gimme my ball.

Stop arguing, boys. Give him his ball.

Did he saywhat he's been doing?.

Where's he been since 1960?.

- I mean, may,be he forgot he's God.

- Listen...

he's been working 24 hours a day,,

six day,s a week since the dawn oftime.

Don't you think he deserves

some kind of rest and change?.

Yeah, but he

hadn't even--

H:

- How was your vacation?.

Oh, I think I caught a cold.

- Bless yourself.

- Thanky,ou.

Can't I turn my back for a minute?.

When the cat's away,

the mice will play, huh?.

I leavey,ou fourin charge

fora mere 25y,ears--

a drop in the bucket

oftime, by,the way,--

I come back, and the

world is a total mess.

We're understaffed.

Oh, y,ou're gonna pass the

buck, huh? That's y,our answer?

No, I - I think I have to do

something drastic. I wanna start over.

- You mean, real ly... start over?.

- Right. Right.

You remember the Bible, Adam and Eve.

May,be I'll start with a woman this time.

H m m. A flood worked

before. Yeah. I like it.

- But you said you'd never do that again!

- That's right.

- Didn't he promise?. -

Yes! - You did. You did.

Hey! I'm God. I changed my mind.

But there's still a lot of

goodness left in the world.

- She's right. There is.

- Yeah!

Yeah!

Yousay,there's goodness

left in the world, huh?

Okay,. Show me one goodperson.

What about him?.

- Great choice, moron.

- There's a good person!

- Ruthie, give me a ty,pical man.

- There's one!

- Which one?

- Him!

That kid? Done!

- He looks nervous.

- Since when is nervous a crime?

Looks like my, cousin, Paco.

He 's doing time in Folsom.

All right. Hold it

down. I like this. Yeah.

How you doi n', Stuart?.

$ 13,464.

Stuart, I told ya I 'd

get it for ya. I promise.

I want it today at 6..00.

- All right.

- Hold him.

Or else, I'm gonna takeyour ears.

Ya understand?.

- Say "yes."

- Yes.

Now.

It worked.

Zack, no more excuses this time.

I want that money, and I want all

ofit, or I'm gonna takeyour ears...

and I'm gonna grind them and all those

stupid inventions ofyours into dust!

Ya hear me?. Pick up the phone,

Zack. I knowyou're listening.

Don't stand so closely.

Get back in the car.

Zack! 6..00 or it's all over. 6..00.

Aaah!

Lucky.

Howya doin'?.

You know, I came toyou becauseyou are

by far the foxiest chick in the bank.

Broadway Savings. Good

morning. Can I helpyou?.

This is Susan Elliott.

- Uh, your check!

- Oh, thanks.

Morning. I, uh, came to you...

'cause I thinkyou're the

prettiest chick in the bank.

I'm sorry. I'm closed.

Twenty,, 40, 60, 80, 100.

Howya doin'?.

You know, I, uh, came to you

because I think you're by,far the

foxiest chick in the bank.

Can I help you?.

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John Herzfeld

John Herzfeld is an American film and television director, screenwriter, actor and producer. His feature film directing credits include Two of a Kind, 2 Days in the Valley, 15 Minutes and The Death and Life of Bobby Z. more…

All John Herzfeld scripts | John Herzfeld Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Two of a Kind" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 21 Nov. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/two_of_a_kind_22422>.

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