The Next Best Thing Page #2

---

- There aren't any.

I can't imagine any man letting you

slip through his fiingers. Really.

You're the only woman in the world

that I would like to...

be.

- Ow!

- Thanks.

Anyway, let's drink to never

having to see that loser again...

or talk about him!

I have to.

Might as well just go to the studio now

and get it over with.

Why?

Because he still

has my house keys.

Are you going to sacrifiice your last

shred ofself-respect for a set of keys?

- I think so.

- That is tragic.

This is how much I care.

I'll handle this.

This here.

- Turn the hi-hats down.

- This is radio all day. Clubs.

- Good stuff. I hear a single.

- Keep the bass

bumpin' like that, though.

Get the bass goin'.

- Keep the bottle head up.

- More bass. Put more bass in.

Hear that? Make you wanna grow

a big-ass Afro, huh?

- Hi, hi.

- What the--

Stop!

Robert, what the hell

are you doing here?

I haven't come here to argue.

I just want the keys.

You know what I'm talking about.

The house keys. Hand 'em over!

- I don't have your keys.

- No more excuses, poopsie.

Poopsie?

I haven't got time for the pain.

Hey, Kev, look like

your b*tch need a shave.

- Actually, I wax.

- He's not my b*tch, okay?

-So what you sayin'? You the b*tch, Kev?

-I'm not anybody's b*tch, all right?

- Abbie put you up to this, didn't she?

- Oh, A-Abbie-- Abbie.

Is that what you're calling me

this month to your chocolate-covered

peanut gallery?

- Yo Mama!

- This is precisely why...

I'm leaving him, everyone.

This double life

is tearing my roots apart.

Just give me the keys, please,

to Abbie's house.

- Yeah, give this punk the keys, Kev.

- You left a few things at home.

- Toothbrush. Ha!

- A toothbrush?

- A girl's best friend: knee pads!

- Knee pads!

- Nair.

- Nair!

- Kevin!

Oh, one more thing.

You forgot these.

- Oh, man!

- You slut!

Want the keys? Huh?

Get the hell outta here!

Kev, those rubbers

wasn't even lubricated, dog.

Oh, look what you

made happen, Kev.

- You're not gonna even

walk her to the car?

- Oh, that's funny.

Go suck it down, Kev!

Come on. Hurry up.

Get in the car.

Yes! Hurry up!

Won'tstop

Neverunderestimate us

- Can'tstop

- Thanks, Mary.

You're welcome, Muriel.

- Neverunderestimate us

- Drive!

- Ooh! This is madness!

- Can'tstop

I'm so glad you guys are here.

If it weren't foryou,

I'd feel like I was crashing

my own boyfriend's funeral.

Who are the pallbearers?

Ugh. A grab bag ofJoe's relatives

he couldn't relate to.

Wouldn't participate in his life,

but they'd drive across three states

to attend his funeral.

What's he wearing in there?

I said his favouritejeans and

a T-shirt. They said, "No, a suit."

So I said, "Okay, fiine. That black

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes