The House Bunny Page #2

ma'am?

I'm gonna have to issue

another ticket.

Would you maybe stop giving me tickets if I

told you I was having a really bad week...

because I used to be a Playboy Bunny,

but I got kicked out of the Mansion...

because I'm 59 years old?

I'm gonna have to ask you to step out

of the car and take a Breathalyzer.

Okay.

Noises.

I'm gonna need you to blow on this.

Really?

I guess.

You tried to do what?

To a cop?

Stupid!

I was just doing what he said.

He was in a uniform and everything.

Don't worry, sweetie.

First-timers only get one night.

You'll be back on the street

selling in no time.

But I'm not a prostitute.

I was just brushing my teeth.

I like your tights.

And, you know, you should really

go for a more natural look.

All that heavy makeup

just hides your beauty.

I'm a dude.

Oh, well, you're good like that.

So, did you hear

about the pool party at Jordan's?

It was unbelievable.

- Oh, last Saturday?

- Yes.

- Oh, my God. He makes the best margaritas.

- Yep. It's because he uses mangos.

- No. Really?

- He read about them somewhere.

Yeah, mangoritas.

- Jordan's just so hot.

- I know.

So are all his friends.

Yeah, seriously,

I've tried to hook up with all of them.

- No, you have not.

- Yes. Yes, I did.

Two of them, I succeeded.

- Really?

- It was amazing.

Who knew?

I was so excited.

Looks like a mini-Playboy Mansion.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hi.

Can I help you?

Yes. I would like to live here,

please.

Oh, I know, right?

But you have to be asked to live here.

- Do you go to this school?

- This is a school?

Where are the desks?

No...

This is a sorority house at a school.

And you do look like an older...

sluttier version of the type of girl

we would want.

But, I'm sorry, you're not a student.

It was so nice talking to you.

- But I really think it's...

- So nice.

And our piano is from Tuscany.

Very high-end.

I believe that every detail

of the house...

should be a reflection

of the girls who live here.

Hi...

Do you ladies go to school here, too?

Not anymore.

We're the housemothers

of the sororities on campus.

That's so dope.

Do you live in the houses

with the girls?

Yes.

That's even dopier.

So, what do housemothers do?

We oversee the meal plans,

chaperone the social events,

make sure the girls stay out of trouble.

Oh, my gosh. That's exactly

what I used to do back at the Mansion.

Can I be one, too?

I'm sorry. This is a sorority,

not a brothel.

A brothel?

Oh, I'm not looking to make soup.

I'm looking to be like you.

I wanna be a housemother.

We have standards.

Standards that you clearly do not meet.

But it was nice to meet you.

But I just want to...

- So nice.

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