The Adventures Of Dean White (Final Draft/5th Draft 3/22/2020) Page #2

Dean:
I never realized how entertaining ads really are.

We cut to him kicking random DVDs out of the 3.74 bin.

Dean:
Yeah, Because screw you Hellboy DVD.

We cut to Dean walking in the freezer section, eating a bag of frozen okra.

Dean:
God this f***ing gum tastes weird.

He looks back at the packaging.

Dean:
Oh. Well, That explains a lot.

He opens a Ice Cream tub, and begins finger-f***ing it.

Dean:
Ah, AH, AH, F*** me harder daddy! Fuc--

We cut back to him asleep on the ground, the bag of okra on his face. He then wakes up, with the closed tub of ice cream in his hands, He opens it up, No signs of finger.

Dean (coughing):
F***ing dreams.

We cut to Dean taking random pills as he’s listening to a voicemail left by Jesse.

Jesse:
Come home, Dean, I’m sorry--

Dean throws his phone on the ground.

Dean:
F***, I needed that.

We cut to him in the electronics department. He is opening an Iphone 7 up.

Dean:
Oh momma.

He grabs a card to use.

Dean:
Wait, F***ing hell, I don’t know how to use this. Mom? Mommy-- Oh, She’s not here, crap.

Dean walks into the back, and grabs a wine bottle. He then begins swigging it. He takes more pills.

Dean:
Sleeping pills. God I need these.

We cut to him lying down on a cash register.

Dean (talking to a Spider-Man plush which has an empty beer bottle in it’s chest that was cut open, the plush is also wet with beer, which is lying next to him): I’m just a little unwell I guess. I apparently have some weird type of cancer my mom told me, I don’t know, Spidey.

Blank.

Dean:
I love Dina, I f***ing love her, I just don’t know what to do.

Blank.

Dean:
I guess I already have it figured out.

As he snores, We cut to a man named Wick reading a novel at a desk, another man named Bruce is sitting.

Wick (grabbing his glass of champagne): Ah. What a compelling story.

Bruce:
So, You like it?

Wick:
I guess I do, Although, I have more experience in the insurance industry, You get a lot of people in the novel industry too by working in it.

Bruce:
No you don’t.

Wick:
Oh, Mommy.

Bruce:
You got to that chapter, huh?

Wick:
Why is he f***ing a duck?! Why is he f***ing a duck?!

Bruce:
He is on acid.

Wick:
I’ve been on acid and I didn’t f*** a duck!

Bruce:
I have.

Wick pukes in his champagne class.

Wick:
You’re a f***ing idiot.

Bruce:
I’m f***ing a idiot, her name is YOUR MOM.

Wick:
Jesus Christ, Did we go back to 2016?

Bruce:
What?

Wick (Putting the novel down): Look, This book was good, but with that final chapter, You’ve gotta be f***ing kidding me.

Bruce:
Well, I don’t know what to tell you, I think if you actually release it, It’ll be a f***ing hit.

Wick (Pointing at the title of the book at the front of the cover): A book called If It Was Up Your Ass You’d Know wouldn’t be a f***ing hit.

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