Ted 2

Synopsis: Months after John's divorce, Ted and Tami-Lynn's marriage seems on the same road. To patch things up, Ted and Tami-Lynn plan to have a child with John's help, but their failed efforts backfire disastrously. Namely, Ted is declared property by the government and he loses all his civil rights. Now, Ted must fight a seemingly hopeless legal battle with an inexperienced young lawyer to regain his rightful legal status. Unfortunately, between Ted's drunken idiocies and sinister forces interested in this situation to exploit him, Ted's quest has all the odds against him.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Seth MacFarlane
Production: Universal Pictures
  3 wins & 4 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
115 min

And say these magic words

Oh, f*ck you, thunder

You can suck my dick

You can't get me, thunder

'Cause you're just

God's farts


I'm steppin' out

with my honey

Can't be bad to feel so good

Never felt quite so sunny

So I keep on knockin' wood

Yeah, steppin' out

with my baby

Can't go wrong

'cause I'm in right

Ask me when will the day be

The big day

may be tonight

This is the best day of my life!

I'm curing cancer.

I'm cooking your fucking steak.

What do you think I'm doing?

What do I think you do? You're bleeding

us dry is what I think you're doing.

Look at this.

$129 at Filene's Basement.

What are you buyin' over there, Tami?

Gold bars?

I need clothes for work.

All right, Teddy?

What do you mean?

You wear a smock.

You're a fucking cashier.

Yeah, so are you.

Yeah, exactly!

And I'm not going out

and buying designer shit!

No, no, no, no, no!

You're just buying weed.

You're just buying drugs.

You should fucking talk!

I was talking.

I was just talking, just now,

until you interrupted me.

I have to interrupt you or else

I never get to fucking say anything!

Are you gonna let me finish talking?

You're always cutting me off!

Are you gonna let me finish

talking? Are you gonna let me finish...

I am trying to climb

the corporate fence here!

Nobody's in there

to look at your ass!

You're acting like an asshole!

What am I actin' like, Tami?

What am I actin' like?

Like an asshole!

You don't got to dress like

Elizabeth Taylor to put a yam in a plastic bag!

I am the face of the business,


The face of the business?

Jesus Christ!

Listen to you!

You're delusional!

I should've married Robert DiCicco.

I really should've.

Fine! Fine!

Go torture that asshole!

He treated me good.


He had a dick!

He had an awesome dick!

Rate this script:(3.71 / 7 votes)

Seth Macfarlane

creator of family guy, american dad and the cleveland show. more…

All Seth Macfarlane scripts | Seth Macfarlane Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Ted 2" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 17 Apr. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ted_2_19455>.

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