Swiss Army Man Page #2

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This is useless.

Smelly. Old.

How'd you get so far from home?

I... I ran away, but that's...

It doesn't matter. That's...

What's important is you

remembering your life.

Okay. What is life?

Uh, okay.

This is you.

This is your body, and...

and that's where your brain is,

and that's where you're going

to remember something.

Humans have evolved over millions

and millions of years to be this way.

- Yeah!

- We do all this stuff,

because it helps us survive... kind of.

What's that?

That's poop.

Poop is when your body

takes everything it doesn't want

and squeezes it out of your butt.

Everything poops. There's a book.

Everybody reads about it

when they're a kid.

People poop every day.

Or extra when they're scared or sick

or right when they die, because, uh,

you sh*t your pants when you die.

- Oh, God.

- No, it's okay.

People die every day.

What do they do with all the dead people?

- Do they hide them?

- Yeah.

- So I'm like trash?

- No. You're different.

Maybe you fell in radioactive waste,

or maybe you were a special genetically

engineered soldier

who was cryogenically frozen

and sent back in time to save me

and save all of mankind.

Oh, Super Manny, save me!

You've got something in there.

You're like the multipurpose tool guy.

- You're special.

- I'm special?

Yeah. And that's why I need you

to help me get home.

Back in civilization, there's 7 billion

other living people on the planet

just running around and blinking

and breathing and eating,

and you used to be one of them.

You were probably just looking for

happiness. That's what everyone does.

This is what you look like

when you're happy.

Happy.

You look for someone who will make you

happy, a friend, a girlfriend, or a dog.

- Ruff ruff. Good boy.

- Good boy.

Sometimes you might be lucky enough

to bump into the one person

you wanna spend the rest

of your life with,

- and that is love.

- Okay.

You want to go home so you can have love?

Yeah.

But you ran away 'cause nobody loves you?

That's not true.

You're broken and empty and dirty

and smelly and useless and old.

- You're like trash, right?

- Shut up. What...

I'm sorry, Hank.

I'm just saying the things in my head.

Well, you can't just say

everything that comes into your head.

That's bad talking.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Help!

Can anybody hear me?

I'm lost!

What do I do now, Hank?

Manny... just look at them.

Imagine them without their clothes on.

What's underneath their clothes?

You know, their...

b*obs and vaginas, butts.

B*obs, vaginas, and butts.

- What do you do with those?

- Manny...

You know, it used to be...

really hard to come by a magazine like

that when I was a kid.

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