Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth Page #4

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Time's up, Boner!

It's Bah-ner, ma'am.

Not for long.

Dead Boner Walking.

I hope you guys don't mind,

I may have to get home early.

Me and Milli,

my Swedish exchange student,

are about halfway

through the Kama Sutra.

Awww, Boner.

I don't want to share you.

Yeah, what's she got

that we don't have?

A twin sister.

Slab!

Look out!

Can everybody keep a se cret?

I'll fry.

Yes.

This never happened.

I'm never going to get laid.

Slab, I think you've had enough.

Really, darling?

Your concern is admirable,

but completely without merit.

I'm doing splendidly.

Anyone read that article in the

Times Science se ction last week?

Seems gene splicing

is all the rage.

Slab! Look out!

Can everybody keep a se cret?

Slab, I'm looking

for your Uncle Lou's urn.

We're s cattering his ashes

today. Have you seen it?

No.

Yes.

This never happened.

Shan... Shan... Shan... ah...

Shan... Shan... ah... kah.

Shanakah. Chachi...

Barbara, I'm afraid

it's worse than we feared.

- N urse Kevorkian, you mean...

- Yes, Barbara.

You have chlamydia...

and gonorrhea...

and syphilis...

and crabs...

Whew, I thought you were going

to say that I have herpes.

Oh yes, and herpes.

Damn those Starbucks

toilet seats.

Now young lady,

isn't there somebody spe cial

you wish to make aware

of your condition?

You mean a teacher?

Or, my dad?

Well, I was thinking more

like a boyfriend...

Oh.

Do you have a yearbook?

Barbara, Barbara,

please take some advice

from a women who's had some

experience in this area.

I wish to explain something

that we in the health profession

refer to as "hitting skins,"

"knocking boots,"

"doing the nasty,"

"bumping uglies..."

I'm talking about sex, dear.

Sex can be a beautiful,

sensuous experience

between a man and a women

who truly love each other

and want to share eternity

laying in each other's

gentle embrace.

Or it can be a dirty,

filthy spankfest

in a bus station bathroom

shared by two anonymous

consenting adults

on a layover in Detroit,

and nobody ever need know.

I think you got my point.

Now, should we go and look

at your x-rays?

X-rays with a pap smear?

Oh, we're very thorough here.

I just can't figure out

what this white spot is.

You know, a pair of tube socks

works ever so much better.

Why, when I was your age...

I had this experience

I'll never forget.

There were three of us,

three of us in one bed...

Barbara, honey?

I'm expe cting Reverend Johnson

today, did he come yet?

Almost.

Barbara, I could never

be as beautiful as you.

Or swallow as much sausage.

Can I have your autograph?

Will you marry me?

- No me !

- No me !

Relax, there's plenty

of Barbara to go around.

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