Sex After Kids Page #2

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You go to sleep straight

away

And your first fake ID is on

Uncle Peyton.

All right?

You gonna be alright

with her?

Yeah, sure.

What can go wrong?

Everything can go wrong,

Pey.

Every night I high five myself

just for keepin' her alive.

Listen, I have TeleHealth

on speed dial.

If you call though

you've got to ask for Marcy,

She's nice and sort of

knows me a bit now.

So, everybody else just

sort of threatens to call

Social services on you.

Are you goin' out

dressed like that?

Yeah. Why?

Oh, depends.

You want to get laid?

I don't know.

I mean yeah, I suppose.

I just wanna go out and

meet somebody nice,

You know,

who might like me.

Sort of test the waters a bit.

You're a single mom,

you don't got

Time to be f***ing about.

Go out there

and have some fun.

Do you mean

like dodgeball?

I mean like

gettin' f***ing laid.

Okay, well I mean, I sup... I

suppose I could give it a go.

Have you seen my

diaphragm?

'Course I haven't seen

your f***ing diaphragm.

Besides you're protected.

You know,

your tits and whatnot.

Wha-what do you mean?

Oh, I was f***in'

this bird back home

And she said

she couldn't get pregnant

While she was breastfeedin'.

Saved a fortune

on condoms.

Are condoms very

expensive now?

You're missing the point

of the story, love.

Right. Okay.

Yeah, so my father took off

when I was a baby,

So there's a special place in

my heart for people like you.

Nobody ran off on me.

I, I, I chose this, you know.

Oh!

Yeah, I knocked myself up.

Yeah.

I mean, well, no.

I mean, I didn't

knock myself up.

I went to one of those

sperm banks, you know.

Well, spank banks

I think you call them.

Well, I mean,

I don't know if you do, but...

Anyway, I've always just

really wanted a family,

You know, just, I've always

just sort of had this hole

Inside of me that kinda

needed filling up,

So I just, I thought

maybe a baby

Could do that, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

No, it's so true, they...

I mean it's not, you know,

it's been different

Than I expected, so...

I mean don't get me wrong,

I love the baby to bits,

I really do, you know, but...

God, I mean they poop a lot,

don't they?

And they suck.

It's all a lot of sucking.

I mean, it's already eatin' me

out of house and home

And it's only me b*obs.

So you know, here I am.

Just kind of out and about.

- Looking for love.

- Yeah, yeah...

No! No, God, no.

I'm not... no love for me just,

uh, just casual.

You know, just gettin' out.

Yeah, I mean, God,

who in their right mind's

Looking for a single mom?

You know, I mean maybe

a pedophile, I suppose.

Not that you're a pedophile.

Are you?

No!

So you know...

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