Robin Williams: Live on Broadway Page #6

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What guy went, "I want to dress like a sperm,

shove an ice skate in my ass,

and go balls first down an ice chute.

Ya. That would be fun."

No! This is for pussies!

- How will you stir? - I will do Kegels!

I will flex my ass and go down the aisle.

And do not talk to me about two men louge.

I'm saying "Boys, get a room!"

Make that turn, you bastard, make it.

Hard right, you f***er, hard right!

Pour guy gets to the end of the run: "I got wood, man, I'm

sorry!"

You cost us the race!

Your penis going brr was of a second winds resistance!

We could've won if you weren't going brrring!

Dolphin boy!

There's always some horrible drug scandal.

This year was a Spanish cross-country skilor...

Skilor, which is like a skier.

- Are you a skilor? - Yes!

They accused him of taking some performance enhancing drug.

Like an elephant growth hormone.

Are you on some sort of drug?

Are you taking an animal tranquilizer?

And they didn't bother drug-testing the snowboarders.

Go, go my little boys, have fun!

I guess they realized the word "half pipe" meant something.

Remember the kid who won the gold medal?

He was in freestyle.

- You wanna be on a box of Whities? - No. Count Dracula.

Aha, a clue, Scherlock!

The poor Canadian snowboarder, in Olympics,

they took away his medal because he tested positive for

marijuana,

which is kinda redundant number one.

Number two, they said that marijuana was a "performance-

enhancing drug".

Marijuana enhances many things, colors, tastes, sensations,

but you are certainly not f***ing empowered.

When you're stoned, you're lucky if you can find your own

goddamn feet.

The only way it's a performance-enhancing drug is

if there's a big f***ing Hershey bar at the end of the run.

Then you'll be like...

Then you'll be like a Swiss ski jumper going, "I'm there!"

Pour Canadian snowboarder. They asked for his medal back

and he couldn't find it. It was around his f***ing neck!

Get out of here, you little goofy Canadian bastard, eh.

They have weird sports like the Biathalon

which is like Norwegian Drive-By.

Get the TV, Hans!

The Canadians won the gold medal in hockey.

God bless you Canadian people.

You're so f***ing nice eh.

It's your only f***ing sport, come on!

That and a mutant form of football.

"We've got men, we have a longer field"

You have fun, enjoy!

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