Rancho Deluxe Page #3

ranch action around here.

II want some

desire under the elms.

I wanna see some

smoldering glances down at the old corral.

I- I-I don't know,

Ms. Brown.

Gee, Mrs. Brown-

Well, piss off, then.

Jesus Christ.

Tweedle-Ee-Dee

and tweedle-Ee-Dumb.

What do I want with beef?

I have nothing

to trade you, anyway.

How 'bout

your dirt bike? My Elsinore?

Are you nuts?

That's worth more than your steer.

What kind of condition

was this animal in?

Real choice.

You got a nice rifle?

I got a sharps

buffalo rifle.

A real plains rifle

made by w. C. Floond.

What caliber?

.50 sharps.

I'd trade

my right rear quarter.

How many ribs

on a quarter?

IThis sharps

is something.

I'm so glad you asked.

It's a three-Rib quarter, and it'll

run to half the weight of that side.

Throw in

the kidneys and liver and you've got a deal.

I mean, if you're

lookin' to deal.

I'll take the sharps.

Jack and me

are about the last of the plainsmen.

IToday's enterprise

announced that old john brown...

bought the lazy-T.

Probably doesn't matter

which fork we took,

It was still gonna be

one of his cows.

I'm glad

we got it in storage.

I didn't like the feeling

when that chain saw flooded.

Yeah, I don't know

if john brown's so bad, either.

He keeps some of these

sh*t-Assed tourists from puttin'...

an aluminum house trailer

on a quarter acre of pasture.

IYou ever see Cheyenne autumn?

IYes.

IWell, in another 20 years

they're gonna make aluminum autumn.

You bored, john?

Yeah.

What do you wanna do?

I don't know.

Wanna go look

for signs of the rustlers?

They probably

haven't even been around.

IDarlin',

that's not my fault.

And it's not my fault that there are

no more ranches to buy around here.

Why don't you run into Livingston

and get yourself a hat?

- I don't feel like it.

- I've got it, john.

I've got it.

Why don't you call

a press conference on this rustling?

You know, that's not

a bad idea, Cora.

That's really not.

I could

declare war on rustling.

Can you beat that? John brown has

declared war on rustlers in park county.

That's us.

Before you whites came here,

we had a...

simple existence

in these shining mountains...

Iunder this big sky.

- Horseshit.

- We had that too.

Cec, your relatives were

primarily honky tie hackers from Iowa...

and bucktoothed

squaw hoppers from the east.

It sure was something

with them ladies last night.

IWhat's the matter?

We've got to jack up

this here ante on john brown.

Let's burn his barn.

No, really.

I mean it.

Let's burn and pillage.

You f***ing Indian.

You interested in this

livestock exposition?

You mean, now that we're

in the cattle business?

Let's skip these

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