My Man Is a Loser Page #3

- It's all a struggle.

- What the...

I'm telling you, it's all

about fighting gravity.

Hey, Marty, it is what it is.

No, you can say it is what it is,

but it's just not!

Not with me.

I'm confused. I'm overwhelmed.

I'm overburdened. I'm slightly overweight.

Like now, but I just don't know...

Hey boys. How are you?

- Hey.

- We're losers.

Tough loss today?

No, our wives think we're losers.

Our team likes us.

Guys, don't beat yourselves up.

You must be doing something right.

And to be honest, you both married up.

- What does that mean?

- Is that good?

No, it's not good.

It means your wives are better than you.

Clarissa, can you see

all those patrons staring into space

wishing they had alcohol?

Fine, boss, but actually I

just came here to let you know

the building landlord called and you should

call him as soon as possible.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Bye, guys.

- Later.

Bye.

She's so hot!

She's so beautiful, she's so sexy,

she makes my stomach sick.

I mean, she throws me off balance

just looking at her.

It confuses me.

- In my head, I just slept with her twice.

- Me, too.

What was she wearing in your fantasy?

Coconut oil and a smile.

That's cool. We were married in mine.

And we had a little dog, like a poodle.

Guys, stop it. She's my bartender.

I don't care who she is,

I'll fight you for her right now, okay?

I just want to swoop her up on a horse

and ride off into the sunset.

And just have a bunch of babies,

caramel- colored babies that scurry around.

The kind of kids that look like

Halle Berry f***ed a bar of gold.

What does that... I don't even know...

What does that mean?

- A what?

- I don't know. Who cares?

I'm sorry, were you talking about me?

- Yes, no.

- Paul, I love gold bars.

He f***ed her in the Goldbar!

You were right, Mike.

Vanessa, I told you.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Well, you're the best. Seriously.

Thank you.

You're my hero.

- "My hero"?

- What are you, a fireman?

"My hero"? Unbelievable!

I can't get the one woman I love

to love me back,

and this guy's

the goddamn Pied Piper of p*ssy.

- It's incredible.

- It's a blessing and a curse.

You're like a real cocksmith! No,

f*** you with the blessing and the curse.

F*** your hair. F*** your blue eyes.

And f*** your f***ing jawline.

Guys, I'm just as God made me.

- Yeah, well...

- Punch him in the face for that.

Yeah, I'm gonna f***ing twist your nose up

and f*** your whole program up.

What's this? I asked for a dog!

Now, see, Married Saturday is the

complete opposite of Single Saturday.

Mine comes with a 26 year

old stripper turned folk singer,

and theirs comes with kids, neighbors

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