Jim Jefferies: BARE Page #2

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will never... Yeah, okay.

This is the thing.

In America, at the moment, they're

trying to raise the minimum wage

to, I don't know, $16 an

hour or something like that,

and whenever they bring up this argument,

they always go, "And still to this day,

women only earn 70% of what

men earn in the workplace."

And of course, that's disgusting.

How dare women earn so much?

Like...

a lot of things that I say tonight will

be jokes that I don't actually mean,

but this is something I'm

really passionate about.

Women do not deserve to earn as

much money as men in the workplace.

I'm sorry. I...

I'm not being a

misogynistic bastard, right?

I'm not saying that

women don't work as hard.

I'm sure they do.

I'm not saying they don't do as good a job.

What I'm saying is

they don't deserve to

earn as much money as men.

Right?

Men need that extra 30%

to buy meals and drinks

and Jim Jefferies

tickets and all that sh*t!

Now...

I'm sure there's women in

this room that are saying,

"Oh, I pay for my drinks.

I bought my own ticket."

And don't think we don't

appreciate the uglies,

'cause we do.

Right? We do.

But there's little things in

society that you can't change.

Men have extra expenses

that you'll never understand.

There's holidays that are just for women.

Like Valentine's Day is just for women.

They say it's for romantics.

They say it's for couples

or something like that.

It's just for women.

There's no man who gets

excited by Valentine's Day.

There's no man that when he sees

the Valentine's Day decorations

go up in the shopping mall,

he goes, "Oh, Valentine's Day is coming!"

Valentine's Day is a mathematical

equation that every man has in his head,

and it goes like this,

"How much money do I have to spend today

so that you won't act like a c*nt?"

It doesn't stop there.

Mother's Day!

Mother's Day rocked around in my

house when my son was six months old.

My girlfriend's first Mother's Day.

And she went, "Oh, I wonder

what I'll get for Mother's Day."

And I went, "Probably f***ing nothing.

He's got no money. He's six months old.

What do you think he's gonna buy you?"

Within an hour, her friends

were over at the house,

just by coincidence,

telling me what a bad person I was

and how important Mother's

Day is to a new mum, you know?

And so, I went and bought

her a cappuccino machine

'cause I assumed that's what Hank

would have wanted her to have...

and I wrote a card.

I'm not a bastard. I wrote

a card. I'm right-handed.

So I got my left hand.

Every new dad knows this.

You get the crayon and you go,

"Happy Mother's Day.

Love, Hank."

And I went,

"H-A-N..."

And then I did the "K" back-to-front

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