Jeff Ross Roasts America Page #2

in toronto.

No roasting of america

would be complete without a stop

At our cousin's backyard

to the north.

Our big, dumb cousin,

canada.

It's kind of like

visiting the family.

It's kind of

an obligation.

Gotta remind these canadians

who's boss.

This isn't a roast,

it's a thaw.

My dick is inside my stomach

right now,

It's so cold out there.

Uh, i watched a canadian

porno movie yesterday.

That was cool.

Two girls,

one stanley cup.

Last time

i was in montreal,

Celine dion had just given birth

to identical twins,

Which was quite an achievement

given her age and face.

Too soon

for the celine dion jokes?

There goes

my michael j. Fox routine.

I'm not making fun

of michael j. Fox.

That's shaky ground

right there.

Oh, my...Hey,

how about a hand for the band,

Doing a great job tonight.

If you're pregnant

or weird-Looking,

You have an obligation

to your fellow canadians

To come onstage right now.

All right,

that's probably good.

Wow, this is working out.

Come on.

Holy sh*t,

let's talk to this guy.

Come over here, sir.

Sir, when i asked for pregnant

people to come onstage,

I wasn't trying to

refer to you,

But...Come here.

Come here, doll.

Let's just...

Let's just compare you two.

You guys are...Just rub bellies.

Just rub bellies a little bit.

The three of us.

The three of us.

You guys are all so cute.

Come here, how you doing?

- Good, how are you?

- What's your name?

- Amanda.

Amanda. You are so

sexily pregnant right now.

- Thanks.

- Who's the baby daddy?

- He's out there.

This woman is too pregnant

to be out in public right now.

I'm so h...Can i touch?

- Yeah, go ahead.

Do you know

what you're having?

- A boy.

- Oh, that's awesome.

I'm glad you're here

because they say

It's very healthy

for the baby's development

To hear people laughing,

to hear the mother laughing.

- That's right.

Imagine if i was

licking your p*ssy right now,

How good that would be

for the unborn baby.

What do you say?

What do you say?

Sure.

Mmm, i gotta jerk off again.

Hold on a second.

Oh, i don't even know.

Come here.

You are so...

Look at you.

Wow, you look like you were

raped on the way here.

What happened

to this f***ing outfit?

Is everything okay?

Did you make it in okay?

What happened, exactly?

They ripped your...

Half your dress off.

I want to bite your shoulder

right now.

- You're a creep.

- What's your name?

- Sarah.

- Sarah with an "h"?

- Yes.

- Oh, i gotta jerk off.

What do you do

all day, sarah?

- A student.

- Oh, yeah?

Of what?

- Mba.

I know

it's not fashion.

All:
oh!

It's gonna be okay, sarah.

You're here

amongst friends today.

Miss, it was great

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