Jackass - The Movie Page #3

What are you...

Get out! And take the other stuff

out of your pockets.

- Jeez!

- Get it all out!

- That's how you treat an old man?

- Yep. Get out! Go!

An old man that steals, I can't believe it.

Hey, man, what kind of games

you playing? Get out!

- Get out, man!

- God damn it!

What is wrong with you?

Get out!

Man, quit playing!

- I was Lon Chaney's lover!

- Go back and love him!

So, we're gonna go

to this hardware store.

They sell toilets.

And I'm gonna take a sh*t

right in one of the toilets.

I'm gonna sh*t in my pants

before we get to that f***ing place.

Dave, fight it, man.

And I don't even want

to make a joke about it right now

'cause I just wanna hold it in.

- Gotta poo?

- Pretty much.

- Really?

- Yeah. Like, really bad.

Don't... Do you want to ruin everything?

- I swear to God, it's...

- Really? Like, that bad?

Yeah, like, it's a problem.

Is this the worst

you've ever had to go boom-boom?

No, no.

I sh*t my pants at the fair.

Oh, dude, he's shitting right now.

Get out of the car!

Oh, get out, dude, get out!

No sh*t, get out of here!

Come on, man,

get out of the f***ing car.

Get out of the f***ing car!

Oh! What do I do?

- Did you sh*t?

- Did you do it?

Holy sh*t!

I'm taking a cab back to the hotel.

He just shat everywhere.

That's bad.

Look.

- What's wrong, man?

- I had to sit there while he shat.

I need to go home right now.

- It's on my hand.

- Just let them see it.

Is that a bolt? We have very...

What the hell you doing?

- What was that?

- What are you doing?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm almost done.

I hope you didn't take a sh*t in that,

son of a b*tch.

You take a sh*t in that, they're gonna

get you to clean it out, pal.

That is disgusting, man.

What a f***ing Froot Loop.

Want me to play it back?

Hey! What the f***? What the...

Got him, dude. And there went his hair.

- Turn around. Let's see it.

- That was so much.

Oh, no!

- Yeah.

- Look at me.

- That's a good one.

- We're ready.

I'm Ehren McGhehey,

and this is the Mousetrap.

All right! All right! All right!

Come on! Come on.

Okay, that's enough.

That's enough! That's enough!

I called it! Hey! Time!

Dude.

This isn't gonna work.

It might.

What's gonna happen here?

I don't know,

but it's not what's going to be intended.

Raab's putting a f***ing tampon on.

That's like

a Courtney Love-sized maxi pad.

Dudes, this is, like,

worse than a hanging.

I'm Raab himself

and I'm a complete f***ing idiot.

- Oh, that's funny.

- It didn't work.

Nope.

- We gotta get another one, man.

- Let's do it again.

Hey, I'm Raab himself,

and this is Bungee Wedgie.

Is that your shitty ass, dude?

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