Identity Thief Page #2

Synopsis: Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman) gets a nice call confirming his name and other identifying information. The next thing he knows, a spa in Florida is reminding him of his appointment and his credit cards are maxed out. With his identity stolen, Sandy leaves his wife, kids and job to literally bring the thief to justice in Colorado. Keeping tabs on the other Sandy (Melissa McCarthy) and run-ins with bounty hunters is harder than he was expecting, and ultimately the cross-country trip is going to find both Sandys learning life tips from one another.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Drama
Director(s): Seth Gordon
Production: Universal Pictures
  1 win & 9 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.7
Metacritic:
35
Rotten Tomatoes:
19%
R
Year:
2013
111 min
$134,455,175
Website
4,146 Views


because we haven't had

the bonuses for three years.

The company's doing well,

I thought maybe this was the day.

Okay. Just because

Harry Cornish gets a bonus

doesn't necessarily mean that Peterson...

What's your first name, Peterson?

It's Sandy Patterson.

Was that rough?

The first name is... No, it's Sandy Koufax.

Oh, right.

My dad was a big ball fan.

Let me go cut these checks.

You watch baseball?

It just sounded funny, the way you said it.

I'll leave that one alone,

it's your dad.

Oh, yeah. No.

Seriously, though,

what is it exactly that you do?

I manage the in-house accounts, sir.

So, essentially, you do what the program

that my wife uses, called Quicken, does.

- Well...

- You put numbers in boxes.

You could train a baboon to do it,

if you had to.

The fact of the matter is,

the economy is changing.

People like me are important.

We bring the money in

and pay people like you with it.

You understand?

You know what? I'm gonna get

you a copy of The Fountainhead.

You're gonna read it, you're gonna

understand why this is good for everybody.

All right. Let's do it today,

because I gotta get on the plane,

'cause I gotta go to Tahiti.

You're gonna go to Tahiti today?

Yeah, I'm going today.

Not private, either. Commercial.

- Sure.

- We all have to take a haircut.

- Private would be excessive. Not you.

- All right.

Man.

Sandy Patterson.

Hello, Sandy,

I'm Jeanette from Lady's Choice Salon.

I'm calling to confirm your

appointment for this Friday at 3:00.

Sorry, you've got the wrong number.

Oh, is this Sandy Bigelow Patterson?

Yeah. But...

"407." Where is that?

Winter Park, Florida.

Okay. You've got Denver, here.

How did you dial this number?

Well, you didn't leave one when you

made the appointment, so we googled you.

I see. Well, you've got the wrong...

Sorry, buddy.

Can you meet me in the parking garage?

Level 7B.

- Sure.

- Thanks.

Hey. He's here.

What's this? What's going on?

Is everything all right?

You like getting f***ed?

Because that is what's happening upstairs.

Aren't you sick of

getting f***ed by Cornish?

Yeah, I'm a little sore.

We don't like it either.

That's why we're leaving.

We're starting our own firm.

We're taking all our clients.

Come with us.

Come with you?

Sandy, you're the best at what you do.

You'd be a VP. You'll have your own office.

What are you making right now?

I make 50.

How about 250?

When are you doing this?

Now.

Now. Today, now?

Come on.

Could I have everybody's attention please?

The six of us are leaving

to start a new company.

You now have our new contact information.

If you think of yourself as a cog,

we're not interested.

Rate this script:2.3 / 3 votes

Craig Mazin

Craig Mazin (born April 8, 1971) is an American screenwriter and film director. He is known for writing Identity Thief, The Hangover Part II, The Hangover Part III, and The Huntsman: Winter's War. He is currently working on a five-part miniseries for HBO and Sky based on the Chernobyl disaster. Mazin co-hosts the Scriptnotes podcast alongside fellow screenwriter John August. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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