Hogfather Page #2

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Oh, for when Mr Tea...

Mr Teatime?

It's pronounced...

Teh-ah-tim-eh, sir.

Everyone gets it wrong, sir.

How did you get in here?

Easily. I got mildly... scorched

on the last few feet, of course.

The dog seems to like you.

I get on well with... animals, sir.

I have a report...

...here that says that you nailed

Sir George's dog to the ceiling.

I couldn't have it barking

while I was working, sir.

- Some people would have drugged it.

- Oh.

But I definitely fulfilled the contract.

I checked Sir George's breathing

with a mirror, as instructed.

Apparently his head was several

feet from his body at that point.

That was alright, wasn't it, sir?

It, erm...

...lacked elegance.

I thank you, sir!

I'm always happy to be corrected.

I shall remember that... next time.

It was about the next

time that I wished to talk.

As a matter of interest,

how would you go about

inhuming this gentleman?

You don't have to

worry. She always wins.

Very well done.

Very p-sychological. Clever

idea, that, bending the poker.

I expect you're not afraid

any more, eh, my girl?

No.

No. Very p-sychological.

Susan says, "Don't

get afraid. Get angry."

Oh, well, er, thank you, Susan.

And now, if you'd all like to

come back into the parlour...

I mean, the drawing room...

Dashed convincing, the way

she bent the poker like that!

- Have they all gone, Twyla?

- Yes, Susan.

Good.

Mind the tail!

That's what we do to monsters.

Now it's back to bed for you, my girl.

Difficult, sir.

Certainly.

But I have devoted

some... time to it, sir.

You mean you've actually

sat down and thought out

how to inhume the Hogfather?

Why, yes, sir. And the Soul Cake Duck.

And Death, sir.

They're imaginary creatures.

Makes it a challenge.

I suppose I just see things

differently from other people.

We may be able to see the complaint

of Sir George's estate against you

with regard to his

dog rather differently,

and approve your graduation to

full membership of the Guild.

Take the dark, sir?

Wear black, sir?

If you agree to

undertake... this contract.

With due elegance, of course.

With elegance guaranteed, sir.

Er, Mr

Teh-ah-tim-eh?

You have... actually

applied yourself to a study

of ways of killing Death?

Only as a hobby, sir.

But then some people might say

that he is technically immortal.

Everyone has their weak points, sir.

It's gone six. He's not coming.

- Let's go.

- Sit down, will you?

Assassins are always fashionably late,

because of style, right?

What's this? You never said

anything about him being an assassin.

It's Teatime. He's paying top

rate. We can wait for top rate.

Teatime?

I've heard he's... mental.

And he's got a funny eye.

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