Synopsis: It's Hogswatch (equivalent to Christmas) on the Discworld and the Hogfather has gone missing, requiring Death to take his place while his granddaughter Susan endeavors to find out what has happened.
Director(s): Vadim Jean
Production: RHI Entertainment
  3 wins & 3 nominations.
189 min

Everything starts somewhere...

...although many physicists disagree.

There is the the constant

desire to find out where.

Where is the point where it all began?

But much, much later than that,

the Discworld was formed...

...drifting onwards through space

atop four elephants

on the shell of a giant turtle,

the great A'Tuin.

It was some time after its creation

when most people forgot that the

very oldest stories of the beginning

are, sooner or later, about blood.

At least, that's one theory.

The philosopher Didactylos has

suggested an alternative hypothesis.

"Things just happen. What the hell?"

And so our story

begins in Ankh-Morpork,

the twin city of proud

Ankh and pestilent Morpork,

the biggest city in Discworld,

a city where magic is just another job,

and where the Tower of Art of

the Unseen University for Wizards

looms over all the dark, narrow streets.

Our story begins on a midwinter festival

bearing a remarkable

similarity to your Christmas.

And so.... it was the

night before Hogswatch.

"And then Jack chopped down what

was the world's last beanstalk,

adding murder and ecological terrorism

to the theft, enticement and

trespass charges already mentioned,

and all the giant's children

didn't have a daddy any more."

"But he got away with it

and lived happily ever after

without so much as a guilty

twinge about what he had done.

which proves that you can be

excused just about anything

if you are a hero, because no

one asks inconvenient questions."

And now, it's time for bed.

- Susan?

- Yes?

You know last week when we

wrote letters to the Hogfather?

- Yes?

- Well, will he really come?

And when's he coming here?

Does it matter, if you

get the presents anyway?


Well, if you don't

believe in the Hogfather,

- there won't be any presents.

- Thought so.

But while children

everywhere sleep fitfully

in the belief that a jolly fat man

is about to deliver their presents...

...not necessarily everyone is

entering into the Hogswatch spirit,

especially in a city

where there is a guild

for everything.

The doors are locked.

The windows are barred.

The dog does not

appear to have woken up.

The squeaky floorboards haven't.

I really doubt that you are a ghost,

and gods generally do not

announce themselves so politely.

You could, of course, be Death,

but I don't believe he

bothers with such niceties.

Besides, I'm feeling quite well.


Good evening.

Good evening, Lord Downey.

You appear to be.. a spectre.

Our nature is not a

matter for discussion.

We offer you a commission.

You wish someone inhumed?

Brought to an end.

- Our scale of fees...

- The payment will be $3 million.

- No questions asked, I assume.

- No questions answered.

But does the suggested fee

represent the difficulty involved?

The client is heavily guarded?

Not guarded at all,

but almost certainly impossible to

delete with conventional weapons.

We like to know for whom we are working.

We are sure you do.

We need to know your name, or names,

in strict client

confidentiality, of course.

You may think of us as... the Auditors.

Really? What do you audit?


We maintain the logical

order of the universe.

I think we need to know

a little more than that.

We are the people with $3 million.

We need to know where,

when, and, of course, who.

The location is not on any map and

we need the task to be completed

by sunrise tomorrow. This is essential.

As for the who,

let us call him... the Fat Man.

But won't he be out on his rounds?

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho!

Is this a joke?

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Vadim Jean

Vadim Jean (born Bristol, 9 December 1963) is an English film director, producer, and executive producer. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Hogfather" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 27 Oct. 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/hogfather_10039>.

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