George Carlin: You Are All Diseased Page #3

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contact with germs.

It's ridiculous

and it goes to

ridiculous lengths.

In prisons

before they give you

a lethal injection

they swab your

arm with alcohol.

It's true.

It's true.

It's true.

Well they don't want

you to get an infection

and you can see

their point.

Wouldn't want some

guy to go to hell

and be sick.

Would take a lot of

the sportsmanship

out of the whole

execution.

Fear of, germs why

these f***ing pussies.

You can't even get a

decent hamburger anymore.

They kick the sh*t

out of everything now

cause everybody's afraid

of food poisoning.

Hey where's your

sense of adventure?

Take a f***ing

chance will ya?

Do you know how

many people

die in this country from

food poisoning every year?

Nine thousand,

that's all,

it's a minor risk.

Take a f***ing chance

bunch Goddamn pussies.

Besides what do you think

you have an

immune system for?

It's for killing germs

but it needs practice.

It needs germs

to practice on

so... so listen.

So listen.

If you kill all the

germs around you

and live a completely

sterile life

then when germs

do come along

you're not going

to be prepared.

And never mind

ordinary germs

what are you going to do

when some super

virus comes along

that turns your

vital organs

into liquid sh*t?

I'll tell you what

you're going to do,

you're going to sick,

you're going to die

and you're going

to deserve it

cause you're

f***ing weak

and you got a f***ing

weak immune system.

Now.

Goddamn it.

Hey.

All right.

Let me you tell

you a true story

about immunization okay?

When I was a little

boy in New York City

in the 1940's we swam

in the Hudson River

and it was filled

with raw sewage okay?

We swam in raw

sewage you know,

to cool off

and at that time the

big fear was polio.

Thousands of kids died

from polio every year

but you know something?

In my neighborhood no

one ever got polio,

no one, ever.

You know why?

Cause we swam

in raw sewage.

It strengthened

our immune systems.

The polio never

had a prayer.

We were tempered

in raw sh*t.

So... so personally

I never take

any special precautions

against germs.

I don't shy

away from people

who sneeze and cough.

I don't wipe off

the telephone.

I don't cover

the toilet seat

and if I drop

food on the floor

I pick it

up and eat it.

I eat it.

Yes I do.

Even if I'm at

a sidewalk caf

in Calcutta,

the poor section

on New Years morning

during a soccer riot.

And you know something

in spite of all that

so called risky behavior

I never get infections.

I don't get them.

I don't get colds.

I don't get flu.

I don't get headaches.

I don't get upset stomach.

And you know why?

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