Eight Crazy Nights Page #2

what getting flipped off means.

He's so behind the times,

he thinks Viagra's a big waterfall.

But there is one thing he knows.

The voting has begun for the highest

honor anyone in town could receive.

I think it's gonna be your year, Whitey.

I really do.

Whoa. Don't even think of coming

on this floor with those hard soles, pally.

Fine, I'll just ref in my socks.

Must be game time.

Don't let him push your buttons, whitey.

What are you waiting for?

- Come on. Dribble!

- Hurry up!

What, no whistle on that one, ref?

Okay.

Foul on this kid for eating

everything in sight.

Jelly jugs, next time you come on

my court, you better wear a bra. Okay?

He was just kidding, son.

You've got very nice b*obs.

- Jerk!

- Idiot!

You don't like that? How about you

throw something at me. I dare you.

With pleasure!

They're scratching up my floor.

Here comes a seizure.

This will pass in a second, kids.

Don't be scared.

Is he break dancing?

Okay, that's it. Game over.

Nobody wants to see an old man die.

Fatty's team loses because

I want to see him cry again.

I want to talk to you in my office.

Why the hell are we at the mall?

You need to clean your brain out.

And to me, the mall is the best place

to do that.

What's good about this place?

What's good about it? Everything.

You want a pair of socks?

My buddy, Mr. foot locker,

will warm your feet.

You need a fancy doodad?

Hello, sharper lmage. Thanks for the

combination pogo sticklclock radio.

I mean, the body shop, the tie rack...

Gnc, radioshack...

Petland for a cat or two,

Spencer's gifts for some fake dog doo...

Sbarro's, dunkin' donuts,

they're simply the best.

And don't forget the orange

chicken at panda express.

But if you're short of cash

like little old me...

The window shopping's always free.

Did you prepare that or did you rhyme

that many times in a row by accident?

Yeah, that was weird, wasn't it?

Maybe you are a leprechaun.

Let's just get some snacks and chat.

Okay?

Aren't you a boy?

Now, I'd like to make this work out.

But in order to do so, you're

going to have to learn...

That youth basketball ain't about you

and your lack of respect for others.

It's about the kids and teaching them

responsibility and teamwork.

I've been doing my part for 35 years.

Are you ready to join me, big guy?

Joke's on you, tough guy. I can't read.

Special delivery for Whitey duvall,

sugar-free doughnuts.

Every day she does this for me.

Jennifer, you're too much.

My fraternal twin sister's a diabetic...

And out of respect for her and her

disease, I don't eat sugar products.

There's a surprise in there you'll like.

Don't tell me it's bavarian cream-filled.

Rate this script:4.7 / 3 votes