East Is East Page #3

Nobody serve bloody chips!

I tell wife number one come. Second wife giving me trouble.

and send me over there.

But I'll tell you one thing,

she'll find it hard serving fish and chips dressed in bedsheets.

Keep your voices down, I've a husband on nights.

Frig off! And wash your bastard curtains, you dirty cow.

Come on, Saj!

Come on, Saj, it's only a little operation.

It won't hurt. [Echoing]

Ahh!

[Moans]

Hello.

Feet off the bed with your shoes on.

- It doesn't matter. - It does to me.

I'm not having my kids accused of bad manners.

People are quick to point. Well, not with mine.

Is everything all right?

Tickle-tackle all gone?

Circumcision was absolutely fine.

You Indian?

- I'm sorry? - George!

[Nurse] Doctor?

Bastard Indian.

See, puther?

This is very special watch. It tell you time in...Arabic.

'Here lies the crucial importance for you and me,

'and no less for those among the immigrants

'whose future does lie here,

'of that policy of assisted repatriation, resettlement...'

We could have a whip-round and get Dad repatriated.

[Both] Mmm!

F***ing gannet, wait your turn!

It stinks of burnt bacon in here.

[Coughing]

Watch what you're doing, Maneer!

- Dad'll smell it! - Put some curry powder about.

[Knocking]

'And with that abusive obloquy...'

[Meenah] What d'you want, Pongo?

Is Sajid back?

He's havin' his knob cut! He won't be spazzin' the streets!

D'you want a toffee, Meenah?

F*** off! D'you think I want ringworm like you?

Ahh!

Dad's comin'!

- Ahh! - It's 0K, we're home.

Uh, put him down, I'll get some bedding.

Hide that bloody folder.

Mam!

[Bollywood music]

[Kids shouting]

[Annie] 0o-oh!

How's little 'un doing?

He's all right.

Just a bit sore.

Where's old bothered-balls?

He happy now?

Yeah.

He bought him a new dressing gown and a watch.

Not much of a swap but better than nowt.

Annie, am I a good mother?

No, you're friggin' awful!

Would you put one of yours through this?

You had no choice, love.

I did. I could've put me foot down.

And given yourself a load of grief.

This is religion, Ella, and it's theirs, you know that.

You knew when you got married.

Just 'cause the man English...

no mean they not good Pakistani.

- I know people think this. - No, Zaheed.

I hear what they say about me.

Zaheed, until your sons join the community fully,

they will be a worry for you.

But listen...

I have a friend in Bradford,

his name is Mr Shah.

He has two daughters.

He is eager they be married.

Now, if you think any of your sons is suitable and ready,

would you be willing to meet them?

No problem.

They're ready.

You arrange?

In Shalla.

[Ella] I'm back!

Ella!

I buy you present from market.

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