Don Jon Page #2

- Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

It has been one week

since my last confession.

- Tell me your sins.

- Since last Sunday, I had sexual relations

out of wedlock two times. I also watched

pornographic videos and

masturbated 17 times.

For these and all the sins of my life,

I am sorry.

- Ten Lord's Prayers and ten Hail Marys.

- Thank you, Father.

Through the ministry of

the Church,

may God give you pardon and peace,

and I absolve you from your sins in the

name of the Father,

the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Bullshit! Bullshit! Did you see that?

That was f***ing bullshit. Bad call.

- Jesus f***ing Christ!

- Jon!

- F***ing bullshit. Did you see that?

- Nah, I didn't see it. What happened?

They'll do a replay.

They better do a f***ing replay.

Unless they just don't want us

to see how bad that f***ing call was.

Why don't you get the thing

where you can pause...

- A**holes, where's the replay?!

- Dad, there's a thing you can pause

- and rewind.

- What are you talking about?

It's digital.

You just rewind and watch it.

- I'm not taping this.

- No, I know you're not taping it.

Are you people serious, no f***ing

replay?!

I'm not talking about a VCR.

How do I know what the f***

you're talking about?

I don't know, I guess 'cause most

American people have heard of TiVo.

Most people that pay attention

to the world around them!

Here it is.

Shut up already, finally. Sh*t!

- You seriously never heard of that?

- Yes! I've heard of it, Jesus f***ing...

There! Look, his foot's on the line!

Look at that bullshit!

- Jon! All right already!

- So if you've heard of it,

- what is it?

- Did you see that?

- I'm asking you a question.

- It's a f***ing thing...

Wait a minute. Did you see that?

I'm asking you.

- Did you?

- Nah, I didn't see it.

Why not?! What the f***'s

the matter with you?

I said look at this play,

I said it right to you!

I ask you to do the easiest f***ing thing,

and you can't do it!

- At least I know what a f***ing TiVo is.

- I know what a f***ing TiVo is!

You want a TiVo?

Is that what you're saying?

- I would love a f***ing TiVo.

- Who do you love?

He loves TiVo. He sure as sh*t

don't love football. We know that.

One of these days, I'm gonna sit down here

and start eating, and you're gonna say,

- "Mom, I found her."

- Ma!

One of these days.

Holy Mary... Mother

of God...

...pray for us now...

...and at the hour of death...

Amen.

Hail Mary... full of grace...

All right, I'll admit,

there are some down sides.

Like there's the times you

find a great clip, with a hot chick.

And right when you're starting to cum,

it shows the guy.

F***! Goddamn it!

It's no one's fault, really,

Rate this script:3.0 / 2 votes