Cruising Bar 2 Page #3

- lt's not that...

You have a bunion.

- So? l have a bunion.

- lt's just that, me...

lt makes me...

- Forget my bunion!

Ah!!

Oh-ho!

Look at that!

Oh...!

(laughing)

Oh! My toe turns you off?

Ooh!

(laughing)

You're funny!Ahairpiece?

(laughing)

l'm sorry!

Forgive me.

(laughing hysterically)

l wasn't expecting it!

That's hilarious!

(swing music)

- Sorry!

Mrs Toupin?

Mrs Toupin?

Sorry.

Mrs Toupin?

- l don't know what it is, Doc.

l have a knot here.

lfigured it'd go away by itself.

But it hasn't. lt's like a lump.

- lt doesn't look good.

High blood pressure.

Soon arthritis, cholesterol...

Your prostate will act up.

You pee at night?

Takes 15 or 20 minutes

to wake up?

Don't worry.

lt's normal.

lt's called middle age.

Any changes in your life?

- Just that my girlfriend dumped me.

l don't get it. We were doing so well.

So l thought.

Came out of left field.

- Your erections?

- Huh?

lt's firm at the base,

softer in the middle,

and rock hard

from there to the tip.

(snickering)

l was just joking, Doc.

- Sex is no laughing matter.

Ready?

(still clattering)

- Hey! Wait! Wait up!

No!

- Excuse me.

- Hey, hey.

- Hey! Whoa!

Hold your horses, kiddo!

Let's get things straight.

- We'll work on your body,

then your mind.

- Just my luck.

l bet today's

the two-for-one special.

Two fingers instead of one.

(laughing)

Ahem.

Put on some music,

lower the lights a little.

- Take a deep breath.

(sucking in breath)

(whimpering)

- Whoa-ho-ho-ho.

Relax.

l haven't started.

Here goes.

(grunting)

No free rides.

You have to be careful,

exercise regularly, do cardio.

Take up a sport.

l don't know, jogging...

... or roller-blading.

Get your sex life in shape.

And learn to relax.

- There are conditions

if you want me back.

First, flab doesn't tum me on.

You'll diet. Second,

the next fling, you're out of here.

Third, when l feel like it,

l'll decide when we make love.

No canoodling

until l'm sure you've changed.

l call the shots.

- But Gertrude!

- Fourth...

- Listen, Jean-Jacques.

ln eight years of therapy...

l'll come to the point.

l'll be frank with you.

What l've wanted to tell you

for so long...

what l've tried to lead you

to discover yourself...

... what l have to tell you,

Jean-Jacques,

is that you may be gay.

- You're not serious?

- l am.

- Come off it.

- Yes, Jean-Jacques.

l mean it.

You have to experience it, try it,

to find out if you are

or if you aren't.

- lt'll melt away like butter.

- Can't we take it nice and easy?

l'll become so weak!

- Eat while it's hot.

(sighing)

- You know l hate cauliflower.

- lt's broccoli.

- Broccoli, cauliflower...

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