Crazy Famous Page #3

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BIN LADEN?

ISN'T HE ALREADY DEAD?

EXACTLY.

I KNOW WHERE HE IS.

YOU KNOW WHERE WHO IS?

BIN LADEN.

BIN LADEN?

HEY, NUMB NUTS,

BIN LADEN BOUGHT IT YEARS AGO.

NOT REALLY, OLD CHAP.

THAT'S WHY THEY SENT ME HERE.

WHO THE F*** ARE THEY?

I BELIEVE HE'S HAVING A RECURREN SCHIZOPHRENIC DELUSIONAL THING

- WHEREBY HE THINKS...

- YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!

I SAID, "WHO ARE THEY?"

- THE CIA.

- CIA? YOU?

OH, YOU'RE REALLY OFF

THE RESERVATION.

NO WONDER YOU'RE INVOLUNTARY.

OH, MY DEAR P*SSY,

I'M ONLY INVOLUNTARY

BECAUSE THEY SET ME UP.

WHO THE F***

ARE YOU CALLING P*SSY?

- F***ING CALL ME P*SSY?

- I WOULDN'T DO THAT.

GET OFF OF ME.

GET OFF ME.

- LET'S GO.

- GET YOUR F***ING HANDS OFF ME!

LET'S GO!

GET OFF ME!

COME ON, F***ER. COME ON!

LET'S GO. LET'S GO.

HE'S VERY EXCITABLE.

[MUTTERING]

[BOB]

MISTER?

UH... MISTER?

SMITH.

UH, SMITH.

DO YOU REALLY KNOW

WHERE BIN LADEN IS?

I MOST CERTAINLY DO, FELIX.

AND IF YOU CAN GET ME

OUT OF HERE,

I'LL MAKE SURE YOU END UP

HAVING TEA:

ON THE TELLY:

WITH BARBARA WALTERS.

SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?

HAVE IT YOUR WAY.

TIME FOR A NEW BATCH

OF DELUSIONS.

YOU ARE AWARE:

THAT HYPNOTIC DRUGS

HAVE PROVEN:

RATHER INEFFECTUAL

IN CONVENTIONAL INTERROGATION.

I SUGGEST THE USE OF PLIERS

FOR THE EXTRACTION

OF MOLARS AND FINGERNAILS.

[CHUCKLES]

IN DUE TIME, MR. SMITH.

IN DUE TIME.

READY TO TALK:

ABOUT JACKPOT NOW?

NO?

STILL TIME:

TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.

YOU'LL HAVE TO DO BETTER

THAN THAT, MY GOOD MAN.

[CHUCKLING]

LAST CHANCE.

GET ON WITH IT.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[SMITH GROANING]

[PANTING]

HOW'S THAT FEEL, MR. SMITH?

SHOCKING.

POSITIVELY SHOCKING.

SHALL I CONTINUE?

PLEASE! BUT DON'T STOP NOW,

OLD BOY.

MY SINUSES HAVE ALMOST CLEARED.

[CHUCKLING]

[GROANING]

HAD ENOUGH?

[STAMMERING]

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

TELL YOUR SUPERVISOR

I'M DONE.

[SIGHS]

IT'S NO IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION.

UNTIE HIM.

- HE IN YET?

- HE'S JUST FINISHING UP.

YOU CAN GO IN.

SO, HOW DID IT GO?

NOT GOOD, I'M AFRAID.

GOD DAMN IT.

I KNEW THAT SHRINK PSYCHOANALYTICAL

MUMBO JUMBO WOULDN'T WORK.

SMITH'S THE BEST, SIR.

OH, SECOND BEST.

OF COURSE, SIR.

MY APOLOGIES.

I PROMISE YOU THIS.

ONCE SMITH TALKS

OR WE FIND JACKPOT OURSELVES,

SMITH'S DONE.

NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT.

HE'S DONE.

[MUTTERING]

UH... MR. SMITH?

DO YOU REMEMBER:

OUR BIN LADEN CONVERSATION?

JACKPOT.

EXCUSE ME?

INTELLIGENCE CIRCLES

COMMONLY REFER:

TO THE TARGET AS JACKPOT.

OH, OKAY.

UH, JACKPOT.

DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHERE HE...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

PREPARATION:

IS HALF THE VICTORY.

I DON'T MEAN TO BE PUSHY,

BUT...

[CHUCKLES]

COME ON.

JACKPOT'S DEAD.

JUST BECAUSE OUR LEADERS

SAY IT'S SO

DOESN'T MAKE IT SO.

BUT HOW DO YOU...

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