Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk Page #2

---

But after Armageddon, a Jehovah's Witness

can move right in there.

Can even be your family.

God bless the Lord

Bless the name of the Lord

Be blessed forever more

Did you know that the Bible actually

mentions the sport of tennis?

Moses served in the court of Pharaoh.

You get it.

Right in the court of Pharaoh,

it means different things.

Let's go over last week's study.

What is the world?

[Bill] The world is the people that

are not Jehovah's Witnesses.

[Elder] Very good, and

who's the ruler of the world?

[Bill] Satan.

[Elder] Can you give me a

scripture to back that up.

[Bill] 1 John 5:
19.

That's excellent.

You're on your way to

becoming a Jehovah's Witness.

Now if we aren't for God, who are we for?

We're for Satan, and against God.

That's very good Bill, that's very good.

Now are you for God or are you for Satan?

Bill, are you for God or are you for Satan?

I hate Satan,

but I'm for Satan.

What are you talking about?

I mean I might be for God

now, it's been four days.

Four days since what?

I got drunk.

(heavy sighing)

And have you been praying to Jehovah

to help you quit that dirty habit?

I have been praying but on Tuesday I sinned

and I thought since I'm for

Satan I should do Satan things.

But you asked for Jehovah's

forgiveness in prayer, right?

So you're doing the right thing Bill.

What is it.

- (Bill sobbing)

- I'm for God.

I'm for God, I'm for God! (sobbing loudly)

I'm for God, I'm for God, I

try, I try. (sobbing loudly)

Bill, is there something

more you want to tell us?

It's okay Bill, you can tell us,

you can confess to us right here.

We're all brothers here you can talk to us.

Masturbation.

I masturbated.

(jazz music)

Gabe, Gabe, how do you deal

with your sexual desire?

I pray to Jehovah.

[Brother Miller] And

does Jehovah direct you?

Yes, trust in Jehovah.

Have trust in Jehovah.

(soft music)

[Gabe Voiceover] Uncle

Jeff told dad he wanted

to come back to the Kingdom Hall.

He's a musician so he tours a lot.

He also smokes a lot and drinks a lot.

And does a lot of other things.

And if he keeps having sex with girls,

he's gonna die at Armageddon.

(guitar music)

[Gabe] Can I take a sip?

[Uncle Jeff] Help yourself.

[Gabe] Thanks.

[Uncle Jeff] Warms you up huh?

[Gabe] Yeah.

(guitar music)

[Uncle Jeff] Puts hair on your chest.

Oh sh*t man sorry.

It's okay.

It's easier to quit

women than it is smoking.

Yeah I have girl problems too.

Tell me 'bout it kiddo.

Well her name's Jasmine.

She doesn't like me but, her sister does.

Peter says I should go with Camille

because she might kiss me, but

what if Jasmine likes me too?

Would she get mad if I kiss Camille?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes