Carry On Matron Page #2

What's been done, then?

- She has.

- Has she?

She's over nine months gone.

Don't worry, mate. She'll come back.

How can you come... back?

Oh...

Matron.

- Well, what's happened?

- I'm afraid it was another false alarm, Mr Tidey.

- You may as well go back to work.

- Go back to work?

It was due three weeks ago.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr Tidey,

but babies tend to arrive when they feel like it.

There's nothing we can do about it.

That's a fine state of affairs, innit, eh?

We'd soon be in a right old mess

if we ran the railways like that.

I was under the impression that you did.

Ha-ha.

- Can I help you at all?

- Er...

No, thanks. I'm just passing the time.

Are you awaiting a birth?

- Yes. That's it.

- Who are you?

- The father. I hope.

- What name is it?

- Name?

- What's your name?

Oh! My name?

I er...

That's funny.

I know I had one when I came in here.

Hang on. Let me think.

- Mr Hodgkiss?

- That's it. Hodgkiss. That's me.

Well, congratulations, Mr Hodgkiss.

Your wife's had twin boys.

Get away!

That's very nice. Thank you very much.

Thank you, too.

Yes, well, I'll be pushing off, then.

Don't you want to see them, or your wife?

No, not just now.

I've got the girlfriend waiting outside.

That'll do, Sister.

- Get moving!

- What's all the fuss, Dad?

I've just become the father of twins.

- Congratulations.

- Oh, shut up. Come on, get. Hurry up!

Did you find out where they keep the pills?

Nah, didn't have time.

But I reckon I know how to now.

Son, you're going to go to work at last.

Dad, couldn't you possibly manage without me?

You're getting on.

You've got to start work sometime, haven't you?

The fact is, I've had this offer of a job.

In insurance.

He wants to go straight

before he's been crooked.

- He doesn't mean it, do you?

- Of course he doesn't.

- Yes, I do.

- He does.

A good job your mother can't hear you.

You promised on her deathbed

you'd go into business with your father.

I was six years old at the time.

Son, I'm depending on you.

You're the only bloke

who could do what I've got in mind.

- If you really mean that, Dad, I suppose...

- That's my boy.

What do you want me to do?

Well, if I could get somebody into this hospital

officially, they'd be able to nose about a bit.

- You mean me.

- You've got it.

- Dad, it's a maternity hospital.

- No, no, no. Not as a patient.

Thank goodness.

As a nurse.

(Car horn blares)

Well, your pulse beat's all right, Sir Bernard.

Strong?

Beautifully strong.

- And that's all right too.

- Normal?

Wonderfully normal.

Well, it wasn't half an hour ago.

I was right up. You ask Miss Banks.

Wasn't I, dear?

- Yes.

- Yes.

Well, I can assure you, whatever else

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