Caffeine Page #2

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married.

It amounts

to the same thing.

Yeah, but what's that about?

Giving you ultimatums?

Women know that no man

in their right mind

wants to get married. Ever.

But only do it

'cause they put them

under psychological

and emotional pressure.

Why is it women spend

their entire lives

dreaming about weddings

and men avoid them

for as long as possible?

I don't know.

Because the old concept

is completely

female-orientated.

It's a celebration

of female victory

over the male.

At least it's better than

being alone and miserable

for the rest of your life.

Oh, bollocks, mate.

You need to learn to go out

and enjoy the single life.

I bet she is.

I bet you

she is going out

right now,

getting laid by every Tom,

Dick, and Harry she can get

her filthy hands on.

Danny, what are you saying?

Women are like that, mate.

They act like,

"Oh, I'm gonna crumble and die

if you break up with me."

Bullshit!

She is going out,

having great sex

with a variety of partners,

doing all the weird sort

of experimental sh*t

she could never do with you.

Could you just please

shut up, all right?

Mate, I'm just trying to help.

Don't help.

All right,

here you go.

You'd better get a move on.

We're starting to fall behind.

How am I meant to do

all these?

My God, Tom,

what the hell is that?

[Glass whistling]

Do you have to do that?

Do you have to read

while we're sitting together?

I told you

I was gonna read.

You invited

yourself along.

Because I thought

that you might want

to talk to me.

I did talk to you.

We had a nice chat.

Now I'm reading.

Why don't you get yourself

a paper?

Can I get

a latte, please?

U h, sure.

Anything else?

No, that's it.

It's a good book.

Yes, it is.

What was all that about?

What was all what about?

The business

with the waiter.

What is wrong with you?

He was mentally

undressing you.

He was doing his job.

Don't be ridiculous.

Doing his job?

Yeah.

Where are you going?

I'm gonna take a piss.

Can you go for a couple

of minutes without flirting

with any strangers?

I can't give that

to our customers, Tom.

It smells like old vomit.

What's it meant to be,

anyway?

That's lasagna.

Lasagna?

Are you joking?

I'm not a chef.

What do you want from me?

You're gay, aren't you?

Gay men are supposed

to be able to cook.

That's conventional.

Here, smell that.

Jesus Christ!

What is that?

It's meant to be lasagna.

It's meant to be

lasagna?

Nobody complained

about it on Tuesday I

I tried to

freshen it up a bit!

My God, I'm doing

the best I can under very

difficult circumstances!

Rachel, smell that.

Tom says it's meant

to be lasagna.

Out of interest,

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