Blackadder Back & Forth Page #2

- Not as such.

Excellent.

Rather a spectacular return to form

after the genius moment, Baldrick.

Still, some common sense

should be able to resolve this.

We've just got to put the controls

back where they were when we set off.

I think that was about there,

these were here and here.

There.

And that should get us home.

Excellent. You threw away our items,

Baldrick, but at least we're home.

Typical! They must have got bored

and gone back for pudding.

Right, now you're not

going to believe this...

Ah, Lord Blackadder.

Elizabeth... the first?

You're wearing very weird clothes,

and you look rather

old and ugly, actually.

- Is that right?

- Of course it's right.

- I'm always right.

- Of course it's right.

- Melchy,

- Ma'am?

Edmund's being very cheeky.

Shall I laugh at him,

or chop his ugly head off?

Well, I do think choppy choppy

is the only apt reaction.

Very well.

Kill him!

Unless of course, Eddy,

you've got a present for me.

A present?

Yes, certainly, Your Majesty.

A present...

Quickly, I'm getting bored now.

Yes. Now...

- These may not look much...

- They don't.

No. But... let's say...

Let's say there was a place where

you could buy absolutely everything.

We already have those, Blackadder,

and they're called markets.

Right. Well imagine that,

but times ten.

As it were, a "super" market.

Now if you gave someone at

one of these "super" markets,

this,

he would give you

some "bonus points."

Which would mean

that once a month

you could buy a tin of baked beans

at half the normal price.

Kill him!

No wait! There must be...

- What are they?

- Oh, they are just sort of sweets.

Minty things.

I want one!

Yes, Your Majesty.

Oh, it's got a hole in it.

No they're meant to be like that,

that's how they're made.

Blackie, you're so naughty!

It's the tastiest thing

in the history of the worid.

Try one, Melchy.

- What do you think?

- Yes, indeed, Ma'am, most pleasant.

This is incredible,

because you know, Melchy,

you usually smell like

you've eaten a stoat for breakfast.

Yes, I am aware I have a less than

orthodox mouth odour, Ma'am.

You don't smell like that anymore,

you smell absolutely yummy now,

and not at all like a turd.

- Oh, what a pity.

- Well done, Blackie!

Here, take this, you sexy flirt.

- Thank you, Ma'am.

- Now...

go forth and bring back

lots more minty things

in the next five minutes,

or I'll come after you

and crush your skull like an egg.

Certainly, Your Majesty. I'll be

right back. Thank you very much.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I am sorry.

Wait a minute,

- you're not...

- Will Shakespeare, yes.

Don't say it, you hated

"Two Gentlemen of Verona".

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