Barney Thomson Page #3

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"Angelina Jolie seeks Brad Pitt

for Weekday

dog track evenings."

Give me that.

"Sleek hatchback, low mileage,

"big headlights,

"needing a right good service.

Hamilton area."

Now, they're not

shy, are they'?

- You want a pen'?

- F*** off.

"Mature woman

seeks adventurous man

for nights of

unbridled passion."

You'd have to

be desperate, eh'?

Nah, nah.

That's what we call a "GILF."

What's that?

It's a "Granny I'd Like To..."

Fucks sake, Chris. Come on.

Right, McAllister this weekend

at Bellahoustom-

What's his chances?

Good boy, but...

I always loved Westerns.

I wanted to be

The Man With No Name...

you know.

The guy who rides into town.

Saves the townsfolk.

And disappears

in the dead of night.

Shrouded in mystery.

They'd talk about this legend

for years to come...

but no...

I was one of

the pissy. Wee townsfolk.

W here every f***er

knows your name.

I wanted to grind 'em

into the lane under my heel.

Well, careful

what you wish for.

Barney.

Barney!

A wee word?

I'm not really sure

how to say this.

A pal of my dad's

has moved into the area.

He wants to give him a job.

Eh'?

Cannae have ye

falling asleep

in the shop, Barney.

And we can't have

any more outbursts

like ye had yesterday.

- Oh, no, that was a one-off.

- That was not a one-off.

You have regular outbursts.

You cannot talk

to customers like that.

It's not my fault you look like

a f***ing cartoon bear,

is it'? Up. Oot.

You can work for another month,

if you like.

Aw, Jesus. Wullie!

We'll understand

if you want

to leave now, of course,

and We'll keep pay your wage

for the rest of the month.

You don't need to make

a decision now, but...

I'll stay for the month.

- Eh?

- I'll stay for the month.

But we would be paying

your wage for the month,

Whether you're here or no.

Well, I'll be here.

Great.

I'll let my da know.

Jesus Christ.

I'll get a mop.

No, I'll get a mop. I'll get...

Wullie, Wullie... look, please.

Don't do this.

It's not my decision.

Ah, but you see, this place,

it's all I know.

Come on, Wullie.

Be a pal.

I've got nothing else on.

Aw, Barney.

Still, it's not my decision.

It's up to my da.

No, no. That's rubbish!

It is your decision.

You and Chris.

You want me out the door.

Think I'm a f***ing idiot?

I'll get the mop.

No, Wullie, Wullie, please.

- Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't...

- I'll get the mop.

I-I-I'll get the mop.

J-J-J-Just... listen.

I-I'll be so quiet.

You'll no hear

another peep out of me.

You're embarrassing

yourself now, Barney.

Have a bit of self-respect.

- I'll be so quiet...

- Let me get the mop!

No, please.

I'll be a model barber!

Oh...

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