Zombeavers Page #2

MYRNA:

Oh, right, well, it's a pleasure.

JENN:

Hello.

ZOE:

'Sup, biatch?

MYRNA:

Are you looking after the house while your cousins are away?

MARY:

Oh, no. We're just up here for the weekend.

MYRNA:

Oh, right. Unwinding in between all the exams.

ZOE:

Well, we were supposed to have torrid, getaway sex but Jenn's guy cheated on her, so...

MYRNA:

Oh, I see.

MARY:

She is kiddin', Mrs. Gregorson.

ZOE:

I am kidding. None of us have had sex. Ever

MARY:

Yeah.

MYRNA:

Oh, it's okay, Mary. My daughter is a total f***in' b*tch too. A real whore. Sometimes she brings people home, I don't even know what sex they are. And I'm not saying anything negative about them, I'm a very, very liberal woman, but my daughter is a real piece of work and not that attractive. Well, if you girls need anything, you know where to find us. Winston and I would love to have you over for breakfast.

JENN:

Yeah, that, that sounds nice. Maybe we'll take you up on that.

MYRNA:

No pressure, of course.

(LAUGHS)

ZOE:

Okay.

MARY:

Here we are. Home sweet home.

ZOE:

Whoo! Go potty.

(LAUGHS)

JENN:

Ugh, it smells in here.

ZOE:

What's that smell in here? It smells like wood.

(DOG URINATING)

JENN:

Where's the bathroom?

MARY:

Straight down the hall.

ZOE:

Where's the other bathroom?

MARY:

There's only one bathroom.

ZOE:

I'm just gonna go right here.

MARY:

You seriously can't wait two minutes for Jenn?

ZOE:

Shh. It's coming out.

(WATER RUNNING)

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

JENN:

Come on.

(SIGHS)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

JENN:

What?

ZOE:

One bathroom. Fun, right?

JENN:

Be my guest.

MARY:

Let me guess. No service.

JENN:

What?

MARY:

Oh, Jenn, you are a horrible liar.

JENN:

Okay. I texted him back.

MARY:

Why are girls so attracted to such a**holes?

JENN:

You're not. Tommy's great.

MARY:

You are not supposed to be talking to Sam. That is the whole purpose of this entire trip.

JENN:

Well, it's not like I have much of a choice now, is it?

MARY:

Exactly.

JENN:

How am I gonna check my messages?

MARY:

I have not gone more than 24 hours without Instagram since, like, there was no Instagram. And I'm copin'. If Zoe can do it, you can do it.

ZOE:

(ZOE SCREAMS)

There's no f***in' service. You knew about this, didn't you? You said no boys, not no phones.

MARY:

I did say no phones.

ZOE:

But you didn't say it would be physically impossible to use it behind your back.

MARY:

What is the big deal, you guys? People went thousands of years without cell phones, you can go two days.

ZOE:

Speak for yourself. What if there's, like, an emergency or somethin'?

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