Zerophilia Page #6

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LUKE:

Will you tell her I came by?

MAX:

No. She's honest with you, so you

bolt? And then what, you wake up

feelin' sorry for her?

LUKE:

No! Is that what she thinks? I

left 'cause a' what she said?

That's crazy! She's like the most

incredible girl I ever met!

Max sneers, skeptical.

LUKE (CONT'D)

I had this 'pasta quattro funghi' four

mushroom. It took me a while

to even figure it out, but I think

someone put shrooms in it, or

somehow they got in there by

mistake. I was hallucinating and

everything.

MAX:

Amazes even me, a guy's capacity to

be a world-class a**hole.

Fortunately, I'm familiar with the

cause.

18.

LUKE:

Will you please just tell her I

came by? Forget it. I'll catch up

with her on my own.

MAX:

No. You won't.

LUKE:

Look, I'm gonna' see her again, -if

she'll see me. I don't care what

the f*** you say about it.

MAX:

Oh, really?

They face off.

LUKE:

Yeah, really.

MAX:

You get near her, I'll feed your

nuts to the neighbor's dog!

LUKE:

What kind a' dog is it?

MAX:

Huh?

LUKE:

I mean, is it a pitbull, or what?

Caught off guard, a smile escapes Max.

LUKE (CONT'D)

I'm crazy about her.

MAX:

Shrooms, huh?

Luke nods 'yes.'

MAX (CONT'D)

I'll tell her you came by.

Luke nods, appreciative.

19.

EXT. MUDDY WATERS' MINI-MART - NIGHT

A tanker truck QUAKES past. Surrounded by fir trees, the

eerily empty mini-mart glows with fluorescent junk food.

INSIDE MINI-MART

Luke stands behind the cash register, leafing through "The

Outdoors Man."

The CHIME BINGS and SYDNEY enters, early thirties, elegant in

thrift-store chic. She's cool and in control, ...at least on

the outside.

She surveys random candy bars, stealing glances at Luke.

SYDNEY:

Had a sudden intense craving for a

cherry popsicle.

LUKE:

You can check in that freezer.

SYDNEY:

What a relief. I'm Sydney. You?

LUKE:

Luke.

SYDNEY:

Workin' late, huh? Luke?

LUKE:

Yeah, four AM. It sucks.

SYDNEY:

Sometimes you guys are just

unfathomably stupid.

LUKE:

Excuse me?

SYDNEY:

Why in the world do guys say "it

sucks" as if it were a bad thing?

I mean, every guy's dying to get a

blow job, right? So, you think

they'd treat those words with

profound respect, like holy

scripture. "What an unbelievable

sunset, honey:
doesn't it just

SUCK?,"... "You won an Olympic Gold

Medal?!, that BLOWS!"

20.

LUKE:

I guess you're right.

SYDNEY:

It must be great at your age. That

river of testosterone coursing

through your veins, the damn about

to burst! How about we just lock

this place up and go for an Olympic

Gold?

LUKE:

No thanks. Jeez, lady.

Disappointed, she checks her reflection in the freezer door.

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