Zack and Miri Make a Porno

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Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Get up Zack.

Come on, I don't wanna be late from work.

- Get out!

- Jesus, why not close

the f*cking door if you're gonna take a shit?

- It was closed!

- No, it was closed over, it was not closed.

-Shut the f*cking door!

- Okay, okay.

- What's that thing?

- It's a hand warmer.

We're going now.

Do you smell that? Is that the car?

- Oh, God.

- What?

-Oh, no.

- What?

-What?

- It's stuck in my balls.

What's happening?

-Pull over, pull over.

- Okay, alright!

Oh f*ck.

I think I burned my ball hair off.

It's not funny.

Can you help me pick out

an outfit for tonight?

I'm working till six.

Well, I can try stuff on at the store.

The store? No, how about instead

you get a friend?

But you are my friend.

- I meant a girl friend.

-Can you work for me tomorrow?

- Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

-Then you must come in the

next day, I tell you.

-It's Black Friday.

- Black Friday?

It's the biggest mall shopping

day of the year.

And since the mall is just up in the

street, I would like you to come and work.

-On Black Friday?

- Oh yeah.

-And we work on Movie Monday too?

- Sorry?

How about "N*gger Tuesday"?

N*gger Tuesday?

Is this a new day holiday?

You come to brother and tell

him he gotta work on Black Friday

You got any idea how

racist that sounds?

Telling me to come here and work,

what do you think you own me?

-I never said this, I tell you.

- But you thought it, didn't you?

You thought to yourself:

Oh I'm gonna for this n*gger,

cause I put food on his table

and clothes on his little

n*gger baby backs and he ain't gonna say shit.

-To say I'm a star.

- You shut up.

You're God damn right to say I'm a star.

Can't wait until the post office

settle my disability suit, cause

Deann I will be out this mother f*cker.

-You can kiss my ass.

- You know what?

F*ck you, f*ck you and suck cock.

The hell with you.

- The hell with you.

-Zack, my boy.

- Yeah?

A customer with a hair lip speak me say you've

been watching baseball here the other night.

Football.

And no, that wasn't me.

Maybe the hair lip makes it sound like baseball.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe you hear it with an accent.

F*ck you, okay?

One day I'm gonna put a camera there

and I can tell, I know, everything

you do when I'm gone.

Everything. Scratch your balls, take a shit.

Everything, I tell you. Okay?

F*cker.

I hear both of you mother f*ckers, I tell you.

-Why is he so f*cking ice trunk?

- F*ck off, I tell you.

Very good, hmm?

Ghandi mother f*cker telling me I gotta work

on Black Friday, and do some shit.

Like I don't wanna do some shopping too.

Biggest sales day of the year.

I'm getting me a flat screen TV,

you couldn't believe that.

That is actually my fault, I should tell you.

I asked for Friday morning off, so..

-Sorry about that.

- For what?

I actually just need

a lot of recovery time.

Tonight is me and Miri's ten-year-high

school reunion

I'm just gonna get f*cking

alcohol poisoning.

-Reunion?

- Yeah.

-Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

- I know, isn't that f*cked up when they do that?

Like, they say it is the

best chance to get everyone together.

People come back to the town for holidays..

But you know what? They can have it in the middle

of the summer at a f*cking blow job contest

that I was judging,

and it would still be retarded.

-So why are you going there?

- Miri is making me go.

Listen to him, why are you always bend over

backwards for the girl, knowing she ain't

getting annoyance.

We got a good thing going, man.

She pays out the rent, she does the dishes

she wakes me up in the morning.

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