
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Get up Zack.
Come on, I don't wanna be late from work.
- Get out!
- Jesus, why not close
the fucking door if you're gonna take a shit?
- It was closed!
- No, it was closed over, it was not closed.
-Shut the fucking door!
- Okay, okay.
- What's that thing?
- It's a hand warmer.
We're going now.
Do you smell that? Is that the car?
- Oh, God.
- What?
-Oh, no.
- What?
-What?
- It's stuck in my balls.
What's happening?
-Pull over, pull over.
- Okay, alright!
Oh f*ck.
I think I burned my ball hair off.
It's not funny.
Can you help me pick out
an outfit for tonight?
I'm working till six.
Well, I can try stuff on at the store.
The store? No, how about instead
you get a friend?
But you are my friend.
- I meant a girl friend.
-Can you work for me tomorrow?
- Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.
-Then you must come in the
next day, I tell you.
-It's Black Friday.
- Black Friday?
It's the biggest mall shopping
day of the year.
And since the mall is just up in the
street, I would like you to come and work.
-On Black Friday?
- Oh yeah.
-And we work on Movie Monday too?
- Sorry?
How about "N*gger Tuesday"?
N*gger Tuesday?
Is this a new day holiday?
You come to brother and tell
him he gotta work on Black Friday
You got any idea how
racist that sounds?
Telling me to come here and work,
what do you think you own me?
-I never said this, I tell you.
- But you thought it, didn't you?
You thought to yourself:
Oh I'm gonna for this n*gger,
cause I put food on his table
and clothes on his little
n*gger baby backs and he ain't gonna say shit.
-To say I'm a star.
- You shut up.
You're God damn right to say I'm a star.
Can't wait until the post office
settle my disability suit, cause
Deann I will be out this mother fucker.
-You can kiss my ass.
- You know what?
F*ck you, f*ck you and suck cock.
The hell with you.
- The hell with you.
-Zack, my boy.
- Yeah?
A customer with a hair lip speak me say you've
been watching baseball here the other night.
Football.
And no, that wasn't me.
Maybe the hair lip makes it sound like baseball.
Yeah, maybe. Maybe you hear it with an accent.
F*ck you, okay?
One day I'm gonna put a camera there
and I can tell, I know, everything
you do when I'm gone.
Everything. Scratch your balls, take a shit.
Everything, I tell you. Okay?
Fucker.
I hear both of you mother fuckers, I tell you.
-Why is he so fucking ice trunk?
- F*ck off, I tell you.
Very good, hmm?
Ghandi mother fucker telling me I gotta work
on Black Friday, and do some shit.
Like I don't wanna do some shopping too.
Biggest sales day of the year.
I'm getting me a flat screen TV,
you couldn't believe that.
That is actually my fault, I should tell you.
I asked for Friday morning off, so..
-Sorry about that.
- For what?
I actually just need
a lot of recovery time.
Tonight is me and Miri's ten-year-high
school reunion
I'm just gonna get fucking
alcohol poisoning.
-Reunion?
- Yeah.
-Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.
- I know, isn't that fucked up when they do that?
Like, they say it is the
best chance to get everyone together.
People come back to the town for holidays..
But you know what? They can have it in the middle
of the summer at a fucking blow job contest
that I was judging,
and it would still be retarded.
-So why are you going there?
- Miri is making me go.
Listen to him, why are you always bend over
backwards for the girl, knowing she ain't
getting annoyance.
We got a good thing going, man.
She pays out the rent, she does the dishes
she wakes me up in the morning.
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"Zack and Miri Make a Porno" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 4 Mar. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/zack_and_miri_make_a_porno_23941>.