Yonkers Joe

Synopsis: Yonkers Joe hustles, setting up schemes to cheat at cards and dice. He has a girlfriend, Janice, but does he care about her or just need a partner in his cons? He's working out a scam of casinos, gathering intelligence in Atlantic City. The fly in the ointment is his son, Joe Jr., a mentally-challenged young man about to turn 21, aging out of a group home, belligerent as the move to an adult home and his father's lack of contact upset him. Joe Jr.'s counselor insists that Joe take his son for awhile to calm him down and prepare him for the transfer. Can a mentally-challenged, unloved kid make his way with grifters? Can a father discover new emotions? What about scamming the casinos?
Genre: Drama
Director(s): Robert Celestino
Production: Magnolia Pictures
Rotten Tomatoes:
101 min

Ladies and gentlemen,

this next race is

a claiming race for $6,500

for three-year-olds and up.

The pacers are approaching

the starting line,

and they're off.

It's Golden Girl going to the front...

They got a few

pieces down, but no craps.

B.J., crib, some wheels.

But the Rabbi's with it,

so you'll be pitching

right out of the synagogue.

Maybe they'll make

you honorary Jew, hmm?

Well, you get a

day's pay out of it,

but you're gonna have

to deal from the shoe.

We used to have

three spots a night.

Now I get a $5.00

and $10.00 poker game

'cause these f***ing casinos

got the entire planet broke.

Everything is comped

with these f***ers.

You know, we could take

them off at the crap table.

Take 'em off?

The casino? Huh?

There are mirrors

on every table,

spotters all over

the place.

F***ing eye in the sky,

every 12 feet apart.

What are you gonna take,

a walk around the block?

Come on.

You know my move.

I know you got

a great move,

but the casinos put

something in the craps

so that nobody can

switch 'em.

Well, how come I never

heard of that?

It's a federal beef,


You know, bumps did

a three and change

for going against the casinos.

It's still on paper.

Look, I got to go. I got to go.

My daughter's in town.

Oh, don't worry.

Don't worry. I'll find something, ok?

What about your kid?

Uh, I don't know.

I don't know.

All right.

Well, take care of yourself.

Well, you want odds

on that come back?

No more bets.

Swing shift.

Table 6.

They're going

in and out.

Looks ok.

She in the book?



All right.

Here we go.

Here we go. Want a 4?


They're out again.

Right there.

Yeah. Go.

You've been made.

Excuse me?

What are you

talking about?

Excuse me.

Hold the dice,


Excuse me.

Could you come with us, please?


Tell 'em to grab

the beard, too.

- You too, sir.

- Me?

Absolutely. Right now.

Take your chips. Let's go.

That's ok.

We won't be long.

I didn't do--

Sorry, guys. Um, ok.

Uh, I'll be back.

Gonna take 'em to DGE.

We got her. Come on.

Miss, have a seat.

Were you cheating?

- What? I--

- Were you cheating?

I-- I--


I'm a cosmetics


- Yeah, I bet you are.

- I-- I am.

Find table four.

Zoom in on section three.

Now look, Miss,

this would all go

a lot smoother for you and...

your man if you just

come clean.


I don't even

know him, ok?

- You don't?

- No, I don't.

Look, look, I come here all the time

and nobody bothers me, all right?

This is-- this is

ridiculous. It is. Look.

Look, I'm not upset. I just want

to get out of here, all right?

Get the hammer.

A hammer? N-no.

This is insane.

- I want a cop here now.

- Oh, really?


All right, play it.

All right, freeze it.

What are you doing there?

- Um...

- Sit down.

Uh, ok.

I'm getting my makeup out.

What, I-- I can't

do that or what?

Where's the dice?

I don't know what

you're talking about.

Lady, we know our equipment.

Where the f*** are the dice?

I don't...


take a look at this.

They went out

on her roll.

Any big winners at the table?

You find anything on her?

What about this guy?

You know him?

I've seen him before.

How ya doin'?

Yeah, how ya doin'?


how's it going?

- Let me see your hands, Honey.

- Yeah, sure.


Where's the dice?

I don't have any dice.

- I know you don't.

- I don't.



W-what does that mean?

It means that,

without any money lost,

anything found on them,

no harm done.

That's very cute.

See, my bosses

are bean counters.

They need proof.

I don't, though.

I don't give a f*** what

you do out on the street.

Don't f*** with me.

Take your sh*t,

get the hell out of here, and don't

come back. Get her out of here.

- I'm filing a complaint.

- You do that, sweetie.


And you...

maybe it's a fluke,

you come running up

like the white knight at the

last second, but I doubt it.

Been in the game

too long.

Consider yourself the

luckiest man in Atlantic City.

Now f*** off.

What's with this rouge?

It's talc and oil.

The eye sees it

as ultra-red.

Shoots the back of

the second mirror.

That's why we couldn't

see through it.

- Well?

- Well.

Stanley was right.

They're marking the dice.

Yeah? You see it?

Yeah, I saw it.

That's just terrific because I'm not used

to getting treated like that, you know?

Come on, Jan. How was I to know

they were gonna back-room us?

- Oh, you knew.

- I didn't know.

- You f***ing knew.

- No, I didn't know. Come on.

Stanley said they were

marking the dice,

so I figured you smeared

them up a little bit,

you know, make a few false

moves, get a reaction.

I mean, the worse that could

happen was they ask us to leave,

which they eventually did.

- No.

They kicked us out,


After they snapped

our pictures.

Don't you think they're gonna

pass those pictures around

to the other casinos

on the boardwalk?

No, they don't need to.

I mean, they got us on tape.

Oh, really?

That's-- that's just great.

So this casino thing,

is it over or what?

- Oh, no, no. It's not over, no.

- Great.

- Come on, Jan.

- Uh-huh.

What are you worried about?

There's nothing to worry about.

- Come on, Honey.

- Don't "Honey" me.


Yeah, it's Joe.

Yeah, the results come in

from Belmont yet?

Ooh. No, no, no.

I couldn't make it last night.

Uh, what's the spread

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Robert Celestino

Robert John Celestino is an American film producer, screenwriter, editor and film director. He is best known for his films such as Mr. Vincent and Yonkers Joe. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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